Monday, June 28, 2004

Out of Luck

Our First Lupron Shot...
~Matt, that's more than 10.
--Don't we want to be a little on the extra side?
~No, this is to suppress. I don't want to be extra suppressed.
~Wait! You shouldn't have squirted it out. We have to make this bottle last for all.
--It's only a little bit. They must have built in extra.
~Now it's less than 10.
--I'm sure it won't make a huge difference.
~Wait! You're supposed to give it to me at a 90 degree angle.
--Valerie said to do it at 45 degrees so it will hurt less.
~You're taking Valerie's word over mine? Over the instructions? She wasn't going through IVF. She was taking Lovenox.
--Fine. I'm ready. Where do you want it.
~Wait! Don't do it while you're mad.

Saturday night Matt and I went on a date to Ruth's Chris steak house. After dinner, we talked about my evil (he thinks jealous) thoughts against pregnant women, and how he wants a motorcycle. I told him that if he sees a guy on a Harley weaving through traffic who has a pregnant woman on the back to accidentally open the door to knock them out to please both of us. I was kidding of course, but he knew what I meant.

I also told him I wanted to be the first infertile stand-up comic. I would come out on stage. "Are there any pregnant women in the audience tonight?" "Go to hell you freaking ungrateful bitches." That's funny, eh?

I don't actually hate pregnant women, I just don't think they appreciate what they have. They complain about how they're feeling and let out sad sighs when I don't offer to let them skip ahead of me in line at the supermarket. Sorry, but you're going to have a baby soon and I'm not, so this time you wait. Is that mean? I don't think so. I think it makes me smile inside the whole time I'm unloading my cart onto the belt.

I've been thinking about the cost of the IVF, and decided that I have to spend the money on trying to have a baby rather than a new car or new kitchen. Can you imagine how much I'd hate that car in a few years if I bought it instead of IVF?

The big scary part of the weekend was Shelly, our German Shepard, running away. She got out once during the day (found her at the pound, thought she had gotten out through the garage) and then again that night (gone for many hours, we found that she had broken the gate, we drove the neighborhood for hours calling for her, she then came back home by herself during the search). I told Matt that we used up all our good luck cards to get our dog back. This cycle doesn't stand a chance now. But, I'm so glad she's home.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good luck with the Lupron! I hope your IVF cycle will go off without a hitch.

Also, I don't blame you for not wanting to give extra priviledges to those ungrateful preggos.

Jen of Infertility My Arch Nemesis

5:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

omg...Your comment about being a infertility comment...any pg women in the house....I laughed SO hard. Must get back to work now, but loved it. Just loved. it.
Mandy of Infertility is funny

10:57 AM  
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