Thursday, July 29, 2004

The Good Patient

I get in arguments in the shower with my doctor.  Why didn't you offer defragmentation or assisted hatching if these technologies help with such fragmented embryos?  Everyday I tell myself I will call the office and question the IVF nurse about it.  It won't change anything, but it will get it out of my system.

So today I did.  I called and asked if they did defragmentation.  The nurse said no.  I asked if they did assisted hatching (I know they do) and the nurse said yes.  I asked why these weren't offered to me at time of transfer since they increase the odds of implantation when there are fragmented embryos.  And she said I'd have to wait until Monday when I come for the blood test to ask Dr. Chickie.  Realistically, I didn't expect her to have an answer, but I know from past experience that if I call with a question, they put it in my chart.  Then Dr. Chickie will hopefully see it and have a damn good explanation by the time I get there Monday.

I also told the nurse that since they don't do defragmentation in their lab and that's something I need, I probably would not be able to have future cycles with them.  Not that she cares, but I wanted to say it.

Did I call for a fight?  No, I wanted information.  Did I expect a fight?  Yes, because I knew that they wouldn't have any information for me.  An exercise in futility.  Isn't that the definition of my quest for another baby?  Hopefully my mind will now be more restful.  I'm tired of replaying these questions in my mind.

I still won't be able to sleep though.  Every night I've been waking up at 2am with my mind going haywire.  Why didn't they tell me on day 2 that the embryos were fragmented (I saw on the embryologist's report that they knew then) and to expect the day 3 transfer?  How did one of the eggs get polyspermia when they were doing ICSI?  Did they really try to ICSI all 17 mature eggs?  Why didn't I ask to transfer the 5 cell grade II embryo too since it didn't stand a chance anyway?  I beat myself up over that last one.  Like I killed it, and further hurt my chances by not speaking up.

I've read so many things about ICSI damaging the egg, causing fragmentation.  Maybe it was an inexperienced lab tech doing my ICSIs.  I'm especially suspicious of them being inexperienced if they don't know about defragmentation.  Maybe it was the media they were using.  I've read that a coculture can help ICSI embryos, since they have higher rate of fragmentation.  They were also doing that experiment with different air mixes with embryos.  They assured me that the experiment had already been done a million times and had shown only a possibility of better embryos, not hurting embryos.  What if it's not and they were lying to me?

Also, I'm not happy with the absolute lack of detail I've been given throughout.  No numbers for my lining.  No number measurements on size of follicles.  No exact count of follicles relayed to me.  The last E2 test, they didn't even call and tell me the results.  I still don't know why the repronex was added to my protocol at the end.  I know they know the answers to these questions, but didn't bother to let me know along the way.  And I didn't stand up for myself enough to get them.

So I guess I'm not just angry with them, but angry at myself.  I let myself down.  I tried to be the good patient, the compliant patient, the nice patient and I still ended up being labeled as emotional and demanding, but not getting the information I needed.  They took me for a push-over.  When it comes to me needing something so desperately, I'm not strong.  I don't want my personality to get in the way.  I want them to want to help me because I'm so friendly.  But then, I beat myself up afterwards for all that I should have said.  And when I try to speak up to them, I fall to pieces, giving them yet more ammunition about my weak character.

Valerie has always chided me about being a good patient.  She is a demanding patient.  She questions everything.  When in the hospital, she will demand why they are doing everything, and refuse tests or procedures she doesn't think are necessary.  Her doctor loves her still.  She finds her to be a good advocate for herself.

Me, I'm a terrible advocate for myself when it comes to infertility.  I should have demanded the more experienced physician.  I should have demanded all the detailed information.  I should have demanded that 4th embryo be transferred.  I should have asked more questions about what could be done for fragmented embryos before the transfer.

This is so opposite how I am with anything financial or with work.  I am a tough negotiator, just ask any dealer we've bought a car from.  I catch all their dirty tricks.  I wish I could be that way with my health.

It's just that desperation.  Wanting it so badly to work that I'll do anything.  I'll be quiet.  I'll be good.  Just please make this work.

And since it's not, now I'm angry.  It's like I'm my own big brother and going to go in there to demand why they were so mean to my baby sister.  How could they treat her like that?  Is it fair that I put all the blame on them and not on myself for not being a good enough advocate?  Probably not, but I am paying them.  They work for me.  They forgot that and so did I.

So now I will work on replaying out the argument I plan on presenting to Dr. Chickie.  I don't think she'll recognize me.  I only have to hope and pray that I can keep it together.  No crying.  No tears!

Typing this out got my blood boiling enough to call back.  I told them that since I don't have an exact appointment on Monday for my blood test I was concerned that I wouldn't be able to talk to Dr. Chickie then.  This new nurse agreed and told me that he'd leave a message for Dr. Chickie so that she can either call me back or can find time for me when I come in on Monday.  I went through it again to make sure that he understood my questions.  I'm not sure if he did.  They act like they've never heard of defragmentation.  Not only can I find information on it everywhere in the medical journals, but I saw it done on a NOVA documentary.  I'm just a patient, they are the ones who do this all the time.  Wouldn't they know more than me?

So they just told me that Dr. Chickie will try to call me between patients.  At least I won't have to play this one out in my mind anymore.  I just have to keep myself together until that call and during that call so I can ask her my questions.  I won't go into all my other hell with her receptionistas or not getting my detail and such.  Just keep it to the questions on fragmentation so I can get my answers.  Again, just being a good patient and nice person in my desperate search for answers.  I'm such a wimp.


50 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't believe they wouldn't give you your follicle measurements or your E2 levels! I've had some battles with my clinic, but at least they do that!

From my experience, and from reading others' blogs, it seems that unless you are really, really lucky, you only get as good as you demand in this business. I used to be wimpy too (I called it being respectful) but now that's gone out the window. So they're irritated if I ask questions? Too bad. I'd rather they were irritated than me be terrified.

Best of luck to you.

Menita
from life's-jest

3:27 PM  
Blogger Jen P said...

It took a long time for me to finally get brave enough to call a doctor on what I thought was them treating me like I was too delicate. Them not telling me things, or avoiding topics because they thought I didn't know enough or care enough.

And I learned you have to be tough and realise that my money is going into their pockets, so they better damn well do what I want. I love to hear the nurses groan when I call up asking something. It must mean I'm doing good for myself.

I wish you the best in getting those answers. And fighting for yourself. And I really, really hope something beautiful comes from all this.

7:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I also fall into the trap of wanting to be a good patient--as if just by being nice the doctors will like me more and want to help me more. I know it's silly, but somehow I find myself doing to all the same. --Brookly Girl

8:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Pazel,
Just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you and wishing you the best of luck for your beta tomorrow : )
(((hugs)))

Menita
@lifesjestbook

9:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I went through IVF with a clinic in my area. I was pretty niave about the process even though I had read tons of things on the subject.

I was told we needed ICSI, and AH. Come to find out we probably didnt. It wasnt until I asked really hard questions that I realized these people were asshats.

I got a second opinion, and am finding that a lot of what my first doctor told me was bull. He had lots of dollar signs in his eyes. I am comforted knowing I wasnt the only one who had questions after the fact.

Debra

1:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am a P.A-C beginning the fertility work up myself. I have only gotten a FSH level and plan to do the full work up soon since my level is encouraging.

My advice to you for you to get better respect from you physician is to educate yourself first, knowledge is power,and have what you want in your mind before you enter that office. Use your physician as a technician not an information center although I believe that they should be there to answer any questions you have especially with these circumstances. As you said you have hired your physician and sice you are so good with finances see it as though you are researching a vehicle trying to get the best deal for your money. In the case of fertility it is not only the finaces side that is important but the time which is precious. If you know what you want you can guide your doctor right to the correct path and make your fertility life more efficiant.
And for goodness sake if they don't do defragmentation techniques you are probably not working with the right doctor. Get another doctor who you better connect with.
And lastly office nurses are a reflection of the physicians who hire them. If they are not being supportive you want to move on.

Keep me in your thoughts and the best of luck to you.

6:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just came across your blog about cause common infertility and wanted to drop you a note telling you how impressed I was with the information you have posted here. I also have a web site about cause common infertility so I know what I'm talking about when I say your site is top-notch! Keep up the great work, you are providing a great resource on the Internet here! If you get a chance, please stop by cause common infertility

4:56 PM  
Blogger job opportunitya said...

Great blog.  I just like the site and I will get a
visit again! In my spare time I usually try and look
for blogs just as neat as yours.
Please come by and see my plastic surgery colorado blog.

1:29 AM  
Blogger ace cash advance9 said...

Suitable blog, its very good. I liked the site its
from so much I have to visit it again! I surf the web
for blogs like yours in my spare time.
I want you to stop and compare with my cash advance indianapolis blog.

8:50 PM  
Anonymous Rick J said...

I have been following a site now for almost 2 years and I have found it to be both reliable and profitable. They post daily and their stock trades have been beating
the indexes easily.

Take a look at Wallstreetwinnersonline.com

RickJ

5:55 AM  
Anonymous find webhosting said...

CALIFORNIA WEB HOSTING

Can I Help You.. Yes If you want to get on the web. If you want to start learning about creating a web site of your own.. go to http://webhost11.com. to find out more about find webhosting ... We can help find a web host for you.

3:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good design!
[url=http://slekqbrm.com/gddt/igjf.html]My homepage[/url] | [url=http://exngalaz.com/srse/twnt.html]Cool site[/url]

3:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good design!
My homepage | Please visit

3:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great work!
http://slekqbrm.com/gddt/igjf.html | http://gdedxwhw.com/kuvl/cxtv.html

3:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I didnt find thing that i need... :-(
msn

11:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good afternoon many have machines which not insuranced,
you have a unique opportunity only today to receive insurance the machine free of charge
auto insurance
auto insurance
cars insurance
cars insurance
texas car insurance
texas car insurance
car insurance quotes
car insurance quotes
car insurance policy
car insurance policy
xanax
phentermine
buy tramadol

8:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Buy soma online

http://mtsu32.mtsu.edu:11263/_disc2/00000195.htm#soma

6:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who can help me with .httpaccess ?
where i can fined full information about .httpaccess file syntaxis?

12:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

MESSAGE

8:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

buy fioricet online


buy fioricet online



xanax bar


buy phentermine

8:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

MESSAGE

4:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

olympus digital camera accessory


kodak digital camera



digital camera review


sony digital camera dsc

4:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

better trade

4:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

promotion show trade

10:09 AM  
Anonymous Buy Levitra said...

Great article! Thanks.

6:50 PM  
Anonymous Phentermine said...

Thanks for interesting article.

12:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonimous said...

Excellent website. Good work. Very useful. I will bookmark!

5:03 PM  
Anonymous Helath info site said...

Erectile Dysfunction is regarded as the most prevalent male sexual disorder and Viagra, the Pfizer manufactured medication is considered to be the most effective treatment of erectile dysfunction by physicians as well as patients worldwide. People suffering from erectile dysfunction instantly opt for Viagra and Viagra related information online as well as in various offline sources in order to start off their anti-impotency treatment successfully. If you are an erectile dysfunction patient, you can seek out Viagra details on several authentic online sources and more especially, the sitemap section at buy-Viagra-with-us.com contains informative Viagra links that would provide you significant Viagra details and ensure your successful treatment with the drug.

12:03 AM  
Blogger sexy said...

情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品

10:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

[url=http://www.xbox360achievements.org/forum/member.php?u=259462]mexitil cost per pill[/url]

2:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

[url=http://forums.bleachexile.com/member.php?u=57438]digital camera forum [/url] and
[url=http://forums.bleachexile.com/member.php?u=57532]chronic pain
arthritis pain
knee pain
back pain
back pain treatment
[/url]

[url=http://kinopoisk.sms-jet.ru/sitemap.html]скачать фильмы[/url] скачать фильмы

10 digital cameras and
muscle relaxer
arthritis pain
back pain
leg pain
knee pain

8:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

[url=http://www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/Buy-CEFUROXIME/]order Ceftin medication
Ceftin Saturday Delivery Cod
Ceftin Online Consultant
Buy Ceftin Cheapest
Find Buy Ceftin Online
Cheapest Ceftin Online
Only Ceftin Free Consult
Ceftin No Prescription Cash On Delivery
Ceftin No Prescription Treatment Healing Curing
cheap Ceftin online
information on the drug ceftin
Ceftin On Sale Cheap Online
Buy Ceftin No Prescription Cod
best price for ceftin
dose of ceftin for sinisitis
[/url]

2:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Мне понравился ваш сайтик , если интересно - вот мой - видео голые знаменитости

2:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

[url=http://satrise.ru/familiya/sitemap_0.html]значение фамилии[/url]
а также
[url=http://satrise.ru/]значение фамилии[/url]
а также
[url=http://znacheniie.ru/]происхождение фамилии[/url]
а также
[url=http://znacheniie.ru/sitemap_0.html]происхождение фамилии[/url]
мои сайты для вас
значение фамилии
а также
происхождение фамилии
а также
происхождение фамилии
а также
значение фамилии
а также
Посмотреть фильм онлайн бесплатно
[url=http://nasharussia3.rv.ua/]скачать фильм Наша раша Яйца судьбы[/url]
скачать фильм Наша раша Яйца судьбы
Посмотреть фильм онлайн бесплатно
Реклама фильма мне бы в небо а также смотрите кинопремьера скоро
[url=http://nasharushakino.rv.ua/]смотреть онлайн Наша раша Яйца судьбы[/url]
скачать фильм Наша раша Яйца судьбы
Посмотреть фильм онлайн бесплатно вместе с семьей
Samsung lcd

9:23 PM  
Blogger mollyabraham said...

Generic Viagra has helped millions of men with erectile dysfunction achieve improved erections. This pill is shown to help men get and keep an erection for successful intercourse.

11:11 PM  
Blogger reggiewhite said...

Generic Cialis is in a class of medications known as PDE-5 inhibitors, which are used to treat cases of male impotence.

11:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi I like your site and would like to propose a link exchange.
Please copy paste the following code to your page:
Generic Cialis - if you use HTML
[url=http://generic-cialis.socialgo.com/]Generic Cialis[/url] - if you use BBCODE
then please email me and I will happily add your link to my site.

5:09 AM  
Blogger johnnysmith said...

Generic Cialis is slightly different from the other erectile drugs available in the market as it may work up to 36 hrs after dosing. Generic Levitra orks along with sexual stimulation to help achieve an erection when taken 30 to 60 minutes before sexual activity.

11:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Generic Viagra is the best choice medicine for erectile dysfunction as it can be taken regardless of the age of the patient and works unhindered with most medicines.

1:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Generic Viagra works by helping the blood vessels in your penis to relax, allowing the flow of blood into your penis. The result of this is improved erectile function. Generic Propecia is a medication used for the treatment of prostate cancer and pattern baldness in men. It is the main ingredient in two drugs – Proscar for prostate cancer and Propecia for pattern baldness. Viagra has been clinically shown to improve erectile function even in men who had diabetes or prostate surgery. The pill contains this component that helps increase blood flow to the penis and may help men with ED get and keep an erection satisfactory for sexual activity.

8:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To be a noble charitable being is to procure a kind of openness to the far-out, an cleverness to trust unsure things beyond your own manage, that can lead you to be shattered in uncommonly exceptional circumstances as which you were not to blame. That says something remarkably weighty with the fettle of the honest passion: that it is based on a trustworthiness in the uncertain and on a willingness to be exposed; it's based on being more like a spy than like a jewel, something somewhat fragile, but whose extremely particular beauty is inseparable from that fragility.

8:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

n harry's existence, at some pass‚, our inner throw goes out. It is then blow up into enthusiasm at near an contend with with another benign being. We should all be glad quest of those people who rekindle the inner inspiration

8:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I notice blogs like this one are extremely useful when shopping for sildenafil citrate. It really helps when you discover an exceptional source from a trusted supplier. The deals are wonderful too, specifically for sildenafil citrate.

10:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Best prise for cozaar pills uk
[url=http://buycozaar.groupsite.com]Buy Cozaar [/url] walmart price for cozaar cozaar search find cheap pages cheap cozaar online prescription [url=http://my.opera.com/BuyCozaar/blog/2010/08/03/buy-cozaar-online-buy-cheap-losartan-25-50-100mg-0-69-per-pill]Buy Cozaar Online[/url] cozaar cutting the pills in half cheap cozaar profisional line only uk shop for cozaar cheap [url=http://my.speedtv.com/buycozaaronline]cheap cozaar overnight delivery
[/url] splitting cozaar pills generic cozaar versus tadalafil best buy for cozaar retail price of cozaar
buy cozaar in england buy cozaar pill cozaar generic differences buy discount cozaar online a href
generic cozaar bestseller cozaar bet price cheap cozaar 100mg generic cozaar erections time year
http://buycozaar.groupsite.com cheap online sales cozaar mexico and cozaar and price buying cozaar on weekends http://my.opera.com/BuyCozaar/blog/2010/08/03/buy-cozaar-online-buy-cheap-losartan-25-50-100mg-0-69-per-pill premium generic cozaar cozaar how to buy it guaranteed cheapest cozaar http://my.speedtv.com/buycozaaronline generic cozaar best price price of cozaar tablets generic cozaar pages edinburgh

3:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Order Cipro Online no Prescription [url=http://buyciproonline.groupsite.com]Buy Cipro Online[/url] buying Cipro pens generic Cipro in canada Buy Cipro Online No Prescription Cipro and testosterone pills buy Cipro online from canada http://buyciproonline.groupsite.com cheap extra strength Cipro from canada cheapest Cipro prices canada [url=http://Ciproabusestories.groupsite.com
]legal cheap Cipro
[/url] buy cipro on line best pharmacy Cipro price next day delivery generic Cipro
generic Cipro pages edinburgh c-pill cheap Cipro http://longtermeffectsofCiproabuse.groupsite.com
gm largest buyer of Cipro

7:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As your conviction is strengthened you will unearth that there is no longer the need to take a discrimination of oversee, that things inclination bubble as they will, and that you discretion course with them, to your great gladden and benefit.

[url=http://petitelectromenager.eu]Aspirateurs avec sac[/url]
Machines à coudre

8:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A likeable out of date age is the prize of a well-spent youth. As a substitute for of its bringing wretched and dolour prospects of disintegrate, it would hand out us hopes of unwavering youth in a less ill world.

1:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To be a adroit human being is to from a make of openness to the in the seventh heaven, an cleverness to group aleatory things beyond your own control, that can govern you to be shattered in unequivocally exceptionally circumstances as which you were not to blame. That says something remarkably weighty with the fettle of the principled life: that it is based on a trustworthiness in the up in the air and on a willingness to be exposed; it's based on being more like a weed than like a treasure, something somewhat tenuous, but whose acutely precise attractiveness is inseparable from that fragility.

2:02 PM  
Anonymous Penis Enlargement Pills said...

Really you have done great job,There are may person searching about that now they will find enough resources by your post.I like this blog..

7:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

<<< [url=http://www.viagra.gd]viagra[/url] asdasdas [url=http://www.purchase-viagra.biz]viagra[/url] jkhkjh [url=http://www.viagra-discount.com]viagra[/url] 1232 [url=http://www.viagra-without-prescription.us]viagra[/url] 1232 [url=http://www.viagra-1.us]viagra[/url] 1232 [url=http://www.cialis.gd]cialis[/url] 1232 [url=http://www.cialis.vc]cialis[/url] 1232 1232 [url=http://www.generic-viagra.us]generic viagra[/url] 1232423423 [url=http://www.cialis-without-prescription.com]cialis[/url] 1232 [url=http://www.buy-cialis.org.uk]buy cialis[/url] dgdg [url=http://www.cialis-buy.us]buy cialis[/url] 56465 [url=http://www.cialisbuy.us]buy cialis[/url] 56465 [url=http://www.viagraonline.us]viagra online[/url] asdjaksdn [url=http://www.buyingviagra.us]buy viagra[/url] asdj [url=http://www.viagra-cheap.us]cheap viagra[/url] asdjaksdn [url=http://www.buyonlineviagra.us]buy viagra online[/url] asdjaksdn [url=http://www.viagracheap.us]cheap viagra[/url] asdjaksdn [url=http://www.cialisbuy.us]buy cialis[/url] 64654 [url=http://www.viagrawithoutprescription.us]viagra[/url] [url=http://www.cialisonline.biz]cialis online[/url] ffsdsdf [url=http://www.cialisforyou.com]cialis online[/url] fsfsd [url=http://www.cialisonline.me.uk]cialis online[/url] sdfsdf [url=http://www.onlinecialis.biz]cialis online[/url] fsdf [url=http://www.cialis-online.me.uk]cialis online[/url]
http://www.viagra.gd http://www.viagra-discount.com http://www.viagra-1.us http://www.cialis.gd http://www.cialis.vc http://www.viagra-online.me.uk http://www.cialis-without-prescription.com http://www.generic-viagra.us http://www.viagraonline.us http://www.originalviagra.net http://www.viagra-no-prescription.com http://www.onlinecialis.biz http://www.generic-levitra.us http://www.propecia.bz http://www.viagrabuy.co.uk http://www.buyingviagra.us http://www.buyonlineviagra.us http://www.levitra-buy.us http://www.viagra-cheap.us http://www.viagracheap.us http://www.viagra-without-prescription.us http://www.viagrawithoutprescription.us http://www.viagraorder.us http://www.onlineviagras.us
[url=http://www.buy-cialis.org.uk]cialis[/url] asdasdas [url=http://www.cheap-cialis.me.uk]cialis[/url] fssf [url=http://www.cialisonline.me.uk]cialis[/url] http://www.buy-cialis.org.uk http://www.cheap-cialis.me.uk http://www.cialisonline.me.uk
[url=http://www.viagrawithoutprescription.us]viagra online without prescription[/url] gdffdg [url=http://www.viagrawithoutprescription.ws]viagra online without prescription[/url] dfgd [url=http://www.viagra-without-prescription.us]viagra online without prescription[/url] gdffdg
[url=http://www.viagrawithoutprescription.us]viagra online without prescription[/url] gdffdg [url=http://www.viagrawithoutprescription.ws]viagra online without prescription[/url] dfgd [url=http://www.viagra-without-prescription.us]viagra online without prescription[/url] gdffdg
gdffdg [url=http://www.purchase-viagra.biz]viagra[/url] hfgfg [url=http://www.viagraonline.us]viagra[/url]

5:00 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home