Tuesday, July 13, 2004

The Harrassment Begins

I knew it would happen. There was no doubt in my mind. Yesterday, while I was pouting about the ultrasound results, my MIL (Mother in Law) tried to call me. I saw her number in caller id and did not pick up. No way. But just her trying to call me upset me. That seems unreasonable, but I can't handle much of anything right now. About 2 hours later, after Matt was home from work, she called again and I made him answer it. All I could hear was his side of the conversation.

"Hi Mom...Nooo, she's busy right now...Well thanks Mom for the offer, but I don't think we need any help...Actually, we talk about this so much that we don't like talking about it..."

Pretty benign conversation right? Then why does it irritate me so? Matt hung up and said, "See, I told you she was only calling to offer to help." How exactly can she help? Buy him porn for his donation or sew me a cozy for my sharps container? I know why she was calling. She was wanting to ask me lots of questions, then tell me that she knows how I feel, and to laugh. She has a habit at laughing at all of my problems. She thought it was hilarious when my husband was gone for three weeks in October/November to repair the Los Angeles fire damage and he missed Halloween and his birthday. Why? Because my FIL used to do the same thing and miss all the holidays because of work. According to her, she knew how I felt. She always says this, than laughs and laughs, which clearly demonstrates to me that she doesn't. Matt doesn't want to hurt her feelings so it's always up to me to be the better person and see beyond the laughter. I can't. I'm not a better person. Right now I'm a bitter person, and I'm not in the mood.

This is exactly the reason we were keeping this a secret.

So last night Matt and I got into a small fight. I was mad that he told after he said that we wouldn't, when I had kept it from my mother for her whole visit. He didn't believe that I didn't tell my mother, and also claimed that I told all of Arizona so it didn't matter. I have told one sister, my best friend, and my 3 bosses. That's it. Now that his mother knows, I'm sure she's told his whole extended family. Matt felt that I was putting him in the middle by not dealing with his mother myself. I told him that I would gladly deal with his mother myself, but he wouldn't be happy with how I handled it. Definitely not. I guess I just felt like he too had abandoned me and left me to the wolves. I'm not a priority to him, at least not as high as his parents. (There's a long history to this, which I won't get into now.)

Now I've got to watch my phone or I could get unwanted calls on a subject that I do not want to talk about. And I've got to tell my family or it won't be fair. I'm frustrated and there's absolutely no hint on how to handle any of this in any of the 3 books I've read on IVF. Not a word.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm sorry that his mom is giving you a hard time. I do somewhat know how you feel, because my MIL before she passed would often come before me. I think it's hard for men to stand up to their mothers because they care about them so much. I hope everything works out and that this was all just a small speed bump into pregnancy.


11:31 AM  

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