Thursday, July 08, 2004

Miracle Stories & Infertility Ballad

I don't know what happened, but I woke up feeling like myself again. The fog had lifted. Thank God!

While waiting for a meeting to start at work, another woman I work for/with Suzan was talking about birth plans with her pregnant assistant. For some reason I'll never understand, I spoke up and said that my next birth plan is to go straight to c-section. This got Suzan all excited. "Are you pregnant? Are you trying? Maybe you're pregnant." I love Suzan. I think she's bubbly and aggressive, very funny and unprofessional for a woman in charge. I tried to do my usual reverse maneuver, but it wasn't working, she seemed convinced I was pregnant and she had the scoop. I later went into her office and explained that this month we were going through our first IVF. That we had tried many different methods including 3 years 'natural' and this was something we were trying. Then something happened that I truly didn't expect. I got a speech on the miracles of not trying. You know what I'm talking about. Infamous stories all with the same moral that as soon as you stop trying or adopt you will suddenly fall pregnant. She was serious. She wanted me to believe. Me, practical me. She had hope in her eyes, gleaming with her insight on how to get pregnant. (After all, she got pregnant 2 weeks after stopping birth control pills, both times.) I didn't know what to say. All my witty responses I usually reserve for the uneducated had flown out the window. I was left stunned, nodding like an idiot, trying to look like it was good news. She even asked if we had talked about adoption or planned on adoption if it didn't work. Yep, I got miracle stories for lunch with a dessert of then-I-guess-you-can-always-adopt. Wow. I was starting to think that only my mother held such outdated, ignorant beliefs but here in front of me was an otherwise intelligent woman spouting nonsense to me as if it were fact. She then told me how she thought her brother and his wife loved their no kids lifestyle until they found out years later that they had been trying all that time to get pregnant but never could. She couldn't understand why they didn't tell her. I know, and I also know that I regret telling her with every inch of my soul.

--

On other subjects, I was thinking today of the need for more songs about infertility. The only one I can think of is Heart's "All I want to do is make love to you." It's even about male factor, a subject about my own life except that in the song she took the more inexpensive route to babyhood. I guess it wouldn't be romantic to sing about ICSI or picking a frozen sperm donor. I love this song, but I can't sing it around Matt or he gets uneasy.

There just aren't any, especially ballads. All the romantic songs end in marriage and babies. None have to do with infertility, much less secondary infertility or male factor. I'm not sure how the songs would go but maybe something like this...

We got married on a Saturday,
Planned on having babies right away,
But something happened on the way,
Because then the doctor had to say...

You've got no chance.
You don't get to dance.
There's no way for you to do it all on your own.
But you can try.
And you will cry.
Because you will never ever do it alone.

So she started taking lots of drugs,
And demanding extra loving hugs,
With the madness starting overnight
Because we couldn't do this one thing right.

We've got no chance.
We don't get to dance.
There's no way for us to do it on our own.
But we still try.
And it makes us cry.
Because we never wanted just the two of us alone.

Then one month she started IVF,
Hoping for one good try left.
Crossing fingers and our toes
Because deep inside we both know...

We've got one chance
For our turn to dance.
There's only one way for us to do it, not alone.
And so we'll try.
And it'll make us cry
Because we never got to do it on our own.

But we've got a chance.
We've got one chance.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

How about the song I Would Die For That by Kellie Coffey

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

hi love the blog a song i think of when it comes to my infertility is

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the words seem to give hope on days when i'm feeling down. good luck and baby dust to all xxx

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wow, i LOVED your blog. it is EXACTLY how i have been feeling. i would like to post it with credits to you of course.

that "song" should be a song. i thought it was terrific and i identified majorly. hubby and i just went through first IVF round and got a no. i wish you better luck! you WILL be a mother!!

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