Monday, July 26, 2004

My RE office "Friends"

I called to check on my 5-celled embryos this morning.  The lab worker said, "You're lucky, your report is here on top.  There was nothing to freeze."  Next time there is nothing to freeze, please don't start the sentence with telling me that I'm lucky.  It's just like that commercial.  "Pazel, you have PCOS.  Your husband has male factor.  Out of your 21 embryos, only 3 are worthy of transfer and they probably won't implant because they are so highly fragmented.  The others didn't make it to blastocyst to have any to freeze.  But I do have good news.  I just saved money on my life insurance by switcing to Geiko."

I should never call that office.  Whenever I deal with those medical office workers I end up wanting to break things.  I wonder if they've ever experienced any patient just go nutso in their office.  They'd probably just shake their heads, blame it on the drugs, and how those infertile women are just so demanding.  Hell yes I'm demanding.  I want to know details about my care.  I want copies of my medical records.  I want to know lab results.  I want my questions answered.  If it doesn't work, I want enough information to be able to find out why.  I am constantly evaluating where I think I should be in terms of hope and despair.  Should I continue or quit?  Is that so hard to understand?

Apparently it is.  The office handbook must have distinct rules on how to treat patients.  Act surprised if they cry at bad news.  Never keep tissues around; that will teach them not to cry.  Tell them they're wrong for believing you when you say that they will be called back next.  Keep all their medical information from them, and if you have to tell them anything make sure you do not give any details.  Never return their first call.  Never ever apologize.  Keep the rooms freezing cold.  Keep no wipes in the rooms for cleaning themselves.  Don't forget to remind them at all intervals to remain positive.  Don't those darn infertiles know that their negative HPTs are the direct result of their negative attitudes?  I mean look at me, I'm the most bubbly nurse here because I know that I'll never have to go through all this.  It makes me smile and hum as I take the patient's vitals and tell them that the procedure may be a bit uncomfortable.  Not that I had ever been through it, just that those infertiles are all such babies.  Ha, ha, babies.  Oh those infertiles just can't take a joke.  At least they do pay well.  Bad news for them means returning business for us.  We just have to make sure that the doctors continue to pay the lobbyists to keep our very profitable line of business from being covered by those low paying insurance companies.  I mean, if there was insurance coverage for IVF, anyone could go through it just because they were infertile.  Can you imagine?  And how would we be able to afford our lovely black granite countertops or little red sports cars?  You know those insurance companies would pay us something closer to cost.  At least the profitable pharmaceutical companies are on our side, as well as the profitable insurance companies.  Together we can make sure those demanding infertile women never get that coverage and we keep making beautiful money together.


My RE office "Friends" theme song

So no one told you getting pregnant could be this way
You can't O, you're broke, his sperm is D.O.A
There's always new things you should learn to fear
Because it's not working this day, this week, this month, or even this year
But ... I'll be there for you
Til the drug costs make you poor
I'll be there for you
Unless you call after four
I'll be there for you
'cause you're paying me to.


Blogger amanda said...

I'm so sorry that you had none to freeze and sorry you had to deal with all the annoying medical personnel people. I don't know why they feel they have to make everything such a pain in the ass.

12:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, I'm sorry: both that there was nothing to freeze and that you were treated so horribly. My clinic is aggressive oversupplied with tissues--several boxes in every room, or so it seems--like they're not expecting anyone to make it through the next 5 minutes without bursting into tears. --Brooklyn Girl

1:13 PM  
Blogger Barren Mare said...

If I were you, I'd certainly have gone postal by now. Oh, Pazel, I'm really so sorry. It just sucks that you have to go through this and to be treated so shoddily. You certainly deserve better care.

1:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lucky, lucky you. I've been to three different fertility clinics and they all seem like this. There are exceptions to the rule, but in essence they fit within you rules.

I really love your posts, too.


1:40 PM  
Blogger TK said...

oh I do love how you can write about how sucky your RE's office is, yet manage to come up with catchy lyrics to that damn Friends song which will now be in my head for the rest of the night.
the lab worker is an asshat times infinity.

4:19 PM  
Blogger TigerJen said...

I'm sorry you got bad news. I too wonder why RE's offices have to be so frustrating. I'm so hoping at least one of those embies will stick.

7:22 AM  
Blogger diluted-thoughts said...

Sensational blog. I took pleasure in the site and I
will go back! Surfing online for blogs like this one
is worth my time.
My cash advance loan blog, is something you need to peep out!

2:21 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home