Sunday, July 18, 2004

Reproductive Autobiography

Tomorrow is retrieval. I can't believe it. I'm starting to become suspicious of all this hope. How could I be so hopeful when I don't know anything?

Just a little bit of our reproductive history...

When we first started trying, I read Taking Charge of Your Fertility, and charted my temperature daily as well as checking all my other fertility signs. After some very long cycles, I realized that I wasn't ovulating normally and went to see my OB/GYN. He ordered some initial tests including the semen analysis. When we got the results back he told me that we would only get pregnant using IVF with ICSI because of severe male factor issues. We weren't ready to go that far yet. We did a few months of clomid and OPKs, which got me ovulating but not pregnant. We went to REs and had more tests. I was diagnosed with PCOS. Our first IUI was on clomid only. We then started injectables and the cycle was cancelled because we had too many follicles (8), the risk of multiples was too high. We were told to abstain or use protection. We didn't, and still didn't get pregnant. Next IUI was a clomid/repronex combo with 6 follicles. It didn't work. We took a month off for the holidays. Then we did another clomid/repronex combo IUI with 6 follicles. At the IUI they told us it wasn't going to work because of the male factor, and that we needed to move on to IVF with ICSI. Miraculously it did work. Janie was born in Fall 2000.

In May 2001, I stopped breastfeeding and we started trying again. My cycles were very regular, every 28-30 days. In summer 2003 we started with new REs, doing necessary tests. In November 2003, I was 2 weeks late. A million tests later including 2 blood tests my hope was crushed. I wasn't pregnant, just probably stopped ovulating again. In December I had my gallbladder removed. Also in December I had a mammogram after finding a breast lump. It was removed in January and everything looked good. We did our first IUI shortly thereafter on gonal-f/clomid combo with 2 follicles (started with 10). Next was only gonal-f with 1 follicle (started with 7). The third IUI was on follistim with 7 follicles, and still negative. It was time to go on. IVF with ICSI.

So what I'm trying to say is that I've been expecting IVF with ICSI since 1998, and my retrieval date is finally tomorrow.

It's interesting being here after having one child. Are we infertile? We certainly can't conceive on our own, but after having one I know that what I'm going through now is not the same as what I felt like before. On the other hand, I'm not in the mommy's club. I was part of a mommy group after Janie was born. All our babies were born in the same month of the same year. But when they got to be about a year old, the other mothers started getting pregnant. They were so excited to have their next babies be spaced perfectly and to have so many with close due dates. I stopped going.

I don't know if this will work, but I like trying. I like having some hope. I think I'll keep it.


Blogger TK said...

best of luck to you for retrieval!

5:56 PM  
Blogger Meh said...

Wishing you lots and lots of luck for retrieval today (its Monday here already)

9:56 PM  
Blogger amanda said...

Good luck with retrieval. I hope it's a big success.

7:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good luck with your retrival! Hopefully, they need more basket to fill all of your eggs.

You probably already know this, but your "label" is secondary infertility, whereas someone with no kids is labeled primary infertility. What they both have in common is infertility sucks!


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