Wednesday, July 07, 2004

Warmed Lupron

I'm not a shark today. This morning I was a wreck, and started crying at the drop of a hat. That's not me. That's not how I react to things. My meds got warm on my trip to Arizona. I put them in a semi-insulated cooler with a freezer pack. Unfortunately, it was 110 when I arrived, and the 1 hour car drive must have heated them up. The idea of them not working or having to buy more tore me to pieces this morning, and still makes me upset. I can't explain why. I called my Nurse "Help" line at my hospital and the nurse, who barely spoke English, kept telling me that it was okay that they were out of the fridge because it rarely gets that warm in Northern California. How many times did I tell her that I was in Arizona and it was 110? She told me it was okay, not to worry, and sent me on my way. I, of course, have absolutely no confidence in what she was saying. How could I when she didn't understand the concept of air travel?

I just called my pharmacist back home and he wasn't available. His assistant pharmacist said that it probably wasn't any good and would need to be replaced. He was kind enough to remind me that the box clearly states that it should be refrigerated. He said to call back and talk to my pharmacist in 30 minutes. In the meantime I called a pharmacist here in Arizona to make sure they'd still be open and he said that it would probably be okay since it wasn't out for a long time and didn't get too hot. He says that he is used to heat questions because he is in Arizona. I don't know what too hot means with medicine, but in any case I'm not having a good day. I'm on the edge of losing it and I fear for any traffic I face on my drive. For their own safety, may they not try to cut in front of me.

I wish I had more faith in what people are telling me, but I am too far gone. I believe that they are trying to reassure me so that they can get on with their own business. They do not have such a large stake in this as I do or else they would clearly have concern in their voices. I want them to sound near suicidal in their desire need to help me. Actually, if they were half as concerned, they would be running here to comfort me and bring me free replacement meds just to ease my troubled soul.

Alas, I am a simple princess unrecognized. My needs are simple... let the me one month from now come back and tell the me now all the answers. That future me knows how many follicles, how many fertilize, how many grow, how many transferred, how many frozen, and how many take. She is the only one who can help me, but she is the only one who I can't call. And a month from now I will be wanting to scream at present me to get replacement meds or not to worry so much. I will know all the answers and will be shaking my head at poor pitiful present me who knows nothing and fears everything. What is it about this process that turns me from a shark into bait? I am nothing but a shaking quivering mess, barely able to contain myself to ask a simple question about the viability of Lupron and Fertinex after it has been warmed up.

18 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wish I had more faith in what people tell me, too. I don't like thinking that none of those health care providers truly care, but I do think that. I think this whole process makes me paranoid that I will always have a dark rain cloud over my head, ready to rain down on me at any time.

Good luck getting to next month.

Patricia
http://laf.typepad.com

11:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Was the air temp 110 degrees? If your meds were only out of the fridge a couple of hours but in a pack that would help keep them cool, I would bet the the Lupron is okay. As effective as the drug is at shutting down horomones, I would highly doubt that it is such a fragile drug, although I'm sure that TAP pharmaceuticals does their best to make everyone believe so. Personally, I would trust the pharmacist in Arizona. However, I can understand that you are nervous about taking any chances since IVF is such a huge financial and emotional investment.

Jen

9:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Adding to my comment...

Thinking back, I know for a fact that my three month mega doses of Lupron were pulled straight off an unrefrigerated shelf at my OB/GYN's office. They still worked just fine at inducing hot flashes, night sweats, headaches, and general insomnia that Lupron is famous for.

I was also thinking about the time that my Ovidrel was reformulated as a liquid. When I opened the pack at midnight and saw the difference I freaked out thinking it needed to be refrigerated until I read all of the details and noticed it could be left unrefrigerated for a month. That might be something to look into with the meds you are using.

Jen

9:23 AM  
Blogger Pazel said...

I love comments. I do. I do. Thank you so much for reading and caring enough to reach out to me. You have no idea how much that means to me.

I had to have faith and take the drugs anyways. I'm becoming more convinced that the Lupron is okay. I talked to another pharmacist about the follistim and he wasn't sure since the pen product hasn't been on the market that long. He said to use it, it might have lost potency, but we'll find out at my ultrasound on Tuesday and then they can always up the dose. There's only 2 1/2 doses that would have been warmed.

I know that my concern is largely because of the money. If it wasn't such a huge financial burden (and time and heartache), I would just gone along with it unfettered and willing to experiment. But, as it is, I want to do everything right. If I don't, then I'll blame myself if it doesn't work. I'd rather know that I tried everything I could to increase the odds.

I shouldn't let this rattle me, and I definately did. It brought forward all my old feelings of mistrust. I just can't blindly accept that they are looking out for me. I can't. I have to be suspicious and question their motives and their commitment. It couldn't be as much as mine so then I feel that they can't be as trusted to look out for me. How very sad, but it is truly how I feel.

(p.s. The air temp in Arizona was 110. I'm sure the heat in the trunk of the car was probably much hotter than that. I beat myself up knowing that I should have put the bag in the car with me, and should have used something more than half-insulated. Regrets, in this case I have many. Hopefully they will not haunt me in the next few weeks as I continue on this road.)

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