Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Heartbeat

We had our first pg ultrasound this morning and all is good. Janie woke up with what we think is a spider bite on her finger, so we kept her home from school and brought her with. We kept her outside the office until my name was called.

There on the screen was a tiny flickering heartbeat in a giant black space. Matt got his face in to see it up close, almost touching the screen with his nose. It was amazing. I was so worried going in there, but I tried to remain upbeat. After getting the good news, you couldn't get the smile off my face.

Matt then said we were free to announce it to everyone and I asked about Janie. Our plan was to tell her later because she wouldn't understand the long wait. But, my concern was that if we told everyone else, she could hear it from someone other than us and I didn't want that to happen. So, in the ultrasound room, Matt held her on his lap and told her that we had something very special to tell her. I told her that inside of me there is a teeny tiny baby. It's not coming out for a long time because it needs to grow, but one day it will be your little brother or sister. First she asked what the baby's name is. Then she asked if it was a boy or a girl.

Maybe telling her is a mistake, maybe it's pressing our luck. I just have to live in the positive, and get away from the fear. Be brave. I've been so scared and sad and depressed for so long, I want to enjoy this. If it all falls apart tomorrow, I will deal with that then. In the meantime, I have no reason not to be happy, so I might as well be.

As for my dog, on Monday the vet diagnosed her with a bladder infection and gave her a shot of antibiotics and some antibiotic pills. Yesterday the lab called and said that they found significant amounts of blood and protein in her urine, as well as some crystals. It could mean kidney stones. If she doesn't get better from the antibiotics, there will be more tests. In the meantime, we're giving her extra love and lots of hot dogs. After Janie's pediatrician visit today, she'll probably get antibiotics too. I think only Matt and the cats have avoided the doctor's office this week, but today is only Wednesday, so there's plenty more time.

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