Friday, August 27, 2004

Mr. Pazel

I learned that the correct term is threatened miscarriage, not missed miscarriage. I have smart women reading this who helped me out. I even read my discharge papers and there it was.

As to all who commented to me yesterday, in my best Sally Field's impression and with as much heart I want to say, "You get me. You really get me." Thank you.

Today I found my week-to-week pregnancy book on the dining room table. I was going to put it away, but then remembered how it got there. When I was in the emergency room, Matt called and read to me from it. On his own accord, he had picked up the book and referenced bleeding during pregnancy so he could read to me how it was common and the baby could be fine. (Who knew he could read something on pregnancy?) At the time I didn't believe him since I felt the baby must be doomed, but was impressed that he did that for me. He had generally been not as concerned during the day, but that evening, with a quiet house and time on his hands, he picked up the book and read a little. He said he was reading the section on miscarriage when he called and asked me if I was having cramps too. He said he started getting really concerned when I said yes. See, those pregnancy books can even turn normal people into worry freaks.

Should he have been concerned starting first thing that morning? On some level he was. Generally though, he believes it will all work out. That everything will be okay. We went through all these cycles together, yet he always believed that each one would be IT. I never did. I never believed it and still struggle with this.

Exhibit A - last night:

M -- I don't think you should get your tubes tied after birth.
P ~ Why not? Are you getting a vasectomy? How very generous.
M -- Nooo, it's just that I think we could try for a few months on our own.
P ~ What?
M -- Why not? We could have one for free. And if we don't, what did we lose?
P ~ (my sanity, my emotional calmness, the ability to forget about my cycles and give up the fantasy of a miracle baby, but fine, I'll play) And what happens if it works? We'll have 3? Are you serious?
M -- If it happens...
P ~ (does he never give up?)

P ~ When I called about the bleeding, they asked if we had "intercourse." I laughed outloud.
M -- No kidding.
P ~ It's been what, 2 months? Or does it just feel like that?
M -- What if they don't give us the green light because of the bleeding?
P ~ What do you mean?
M -- What if they say no sex for the whole pregnancy?
P ~ I was on pelvic rest from 28 weeks onward during the last pregnancy.
M -- That would be 9 months this time, plus the time after the birth... That's a year of no sex!
P ~ A year of no sex.
M -- This is serious. Don't laugh.

I guess we all have our limits.

5 Comments:

Blogger Jen P said...

Mr Pazel sounds delightful! A WHOLE year of NO sex. Gosh, his math skills work really fast! I had to really count there!

Hope you two are doing ok and you're feeling ok.

6:37 PM  
Blogger Dee said...

I seem to have forgotten what it's like to have sex on my own, without injections and triggers, and what not. You mean there are people out there who just have sex and get pregnant? Where is this magical world you speak of and how do I get there?

But seriously, so glad to know that things are okay.

8:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mr. Pazel sounds like a real find : )
Very cute math skills, too.

Menita
(lifesjestbook)

6:46 PM  
Blogger Anotherjen said...

i've been out of town for all your scarry-ness.
I'm glad things are looking better.
thinking about you

4:09 PM  
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