Thursday, September 02, 2004

Janie's School - Part II

More child talk... continue at your own risk.

This morning Janie and I went to the other Montessori school to check it out. When we first got there, she turned quickly silent and watched as the other kids played. She stayed stuck to my side. A little boy came up to me crying. It was his 3rd day of school and he was still adjusting. Of course I hugged him, and he wanted to be picked up. What could I do? Of course I picked him up and told him it was going to be okay. The Director came over and told me that he won't let any of the teachers pick him up. A teacher even tried to come and get him, but he clung tighter. Meanwhile, Janie started investigating the playground equipment, although tentatively, and not without keeping one eye on me and one eye on the other kids.

This is a much smaller school. Only 2 classrooms compared to 4. We went with the 4-6 year olds. Janie quietly did everything the other kids did. We investigated everything, and stayed watching for an hour. At the end I asked her if she wanted to go here or her old school. You would think it would be a hard decision, but she quickly said, "Here!" She seemed so excited. It confuses me because I know she will have to learn their methods and all the new kids and new teachers. But, she seemed so certain and so excited. I spoke to the director and they will transfer her file. The amounts I paid are fine because they are all the same company.

When I was putting her in her carseat, I asked her again if she wanted to go here or her old school. She told me, "Here. Then the kids or teachers won't hurt me anymore." I tried to ask more, but she wouldn't answer or elaborate. Matt says I can't question her but let her come forward on her own.

I have no idea what she's talking about. Were the new teachers really hurting her? What kind of hurts are we talking about? The whole thing makes me very upset. Was it manner, words or actions? Teachers or kids or both?

I am happy that she likes her new school and is excited about going tomorrow. But, I'm very unhappy thinking that someone could ever be mean to my child. She's a very good girl. She tries very hard to follow all instructions given by an authority figure. It just makes me sick to my stomach thinking about it. I hope it's all nothing. That I'm worrying for nothing. I wonder if the worry ever ends.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope that Janie enjoys this school more. It must be awful to hear your child tell you that she doesn't want to go to school, let alone that maybe someone hurt her. Hope all works out well.

12:27 PM  
Blogger Jen P said...

Pazel, I'm going to pre-empt this comment with "What do I know, I'm not a parent, but a barren infertile who doesn't know a dime about kids." Ok?

I too am worried about Janie. You write that she's a good girl, she's shy, she does what she's told around authority figures. Which is what I'm worried about. If someone were hurting her and telling her not to tell you because she'd be in Big Trouble, she might not tell you. It's the reason girls like that are preyed on, because they simply do as they are told.

It's why I was chosen to be abused. Not that I'm suggesting Janie is being abused or hurt and I'm not trying to warrant paranoia or hurt you, but can you investigate an assertiveness class?

Where they could teach Janie that it's ok to yell STOP! if someone is hurting them or NO! That's not right! if they don't like it? My godsister went to one after she was bullied on the playground. Often little girls are so dogmatised by society they don't know it's ok to fight back.

I feel as if I'm overstepping my boundaries but I feel an ache inside because I know what it's like to be Janie. Your husband is right not to push her because she might have very well been told to keep quiet OR Else! And that is very scary.

I wish you both the best and hope that no one's mistreating your daughter.

2:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was bullied and verbally abused by a very nasty teacher. I felt sick to my stomach every day I had to go to school. But I never told my mother. I too was shy, quiet, and tried very hard to always do things right and be a "good girl". Believe me, even if you never learn what really happened, you are doing the right thing. Janie is very fortunate she has you for a mother.

6:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pazel - hoping that the "hurts" are minor, though little is minor to a child. Hope you get to the bottom and find the truth much less unnerving than your worry. (as I can only imagine). Here's hoping this is a great new school for her.
Mandy -

9:48 AM  
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11:15 AM  

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