Friday, September 24, 2004

More Keller

I've been talking a lot lately with my friend Valerie who's friend Keller is pregnant. I think I've told you about her before in my post titled "Fairness is a Myth" and I'd link you there if only I knew how. As a review, she's accidentally pregnant by a loser guy in a horrible relationship. My opinion has been that she should end the pregnancy. Valerie believed that this pregnancy would wake up Keller and allow her to start growing up.

Valerie and I were both raised by single mothers but in different circumstances. For me, my mother married or dated loser guys, put them first, and didn't place her kids as high priority. I've given examples of this before, but let's just say that I'm not her only kid whose birthday was completely forgotten. Anyways, I can see nothing but misery for this child. I would say that adoption would be better except that adoption calls for extreme maturity and Keller could never rise to that level. Also, there is the drug use which threatens this child's health before it is even born.

Valerie was also raised poor except that she and her 2 siblings were her mother's highest priority. Her mother would do without so that they could have things. Her mother is extremely creative and would find ways to cook up dinners out of nothing or to get food for the kids. They never went without meals because the mother made it such a priority. (I talk about food alot. For me there are several connotations with nurturing, caring, loving that comes with feeding your children or being fed by your mother.)

Valerie imagines that Keller will realize the change in her life by this pregnancy, be grateful for this chance at a new life, and move heaven and earth for her child. I think that Keller has still not learned her worth nor realizes what she has with this pregnancy. She will not make this child a priority and I imagine a sad childhood for this child.

Keller can't make up her mind what she wants to do. Mullet guy wants her to get an abortion. She told him that he needed to pay for it and so far he hasn't been able to raise the money. I think she's using it as an excuse so that if she doesn't get an abortion she can tell him that it's his fault and so he'd better father this child. Frankly, if he hasn't fathered any of the children he's already had, he's not going to start with this one. Last I heard, Mullet called his father and told him that Keller wants to borrow money from him. Keller called the father back and said that it wasn't her who would be borrowing it, but Mullet guy. Now they're in a fight.

Keller has been hinting to Valerie to see if Valerie would let her move in. Valerie, who has a 1 1/2 year old and a baby with Down's, told her no. Valerie has no problems speaking her mind and told Keller that this baby would only be Keller's responsibility and not Valerie's.

Today Valerie called me because she's changed her mind. She found out that Keller is still using crack and even told Valerie that it's okay through the 4th month. I asked, "According to what? What To Expect When You're Expecting a Crack Baby?" Obviously Keller is not taking responsibility or realizing this baby as a gift but is playing with the baby's health. Valerie even told Keller how women who aren't even pregnant take folic acid daily so that once they are pregnant their baby will be healthy. This dumbfounded Keller who does not want to give up the crack pipe. Valerie then told her that she had chosen crack over her baby so she needed to end the pregnancy.

My fear is that Keller will get the money for the abortion and use it on drugs, then she will just "have" to be pregnant. If she can't give up crack now, there's no way she will after having the baby.

Last time I wrote about Keller being pregnant I told you all about how I don't think it's fair. It's f-ed up. That hasn't changed. It's not only about getting pregnant, but staying pregnant. How can she use crack and still be pregnant and other women miscarriage who are doing everything they can for that baby.

I know we're not supposed to compare our lives or our sins. It's wrong to feel one is better than someone else. I can't help it. I look at what she's doing and I get angry because I feel that she doesn't deserve this gift. There are women who are better than her who deserve this child. I hold out hope that she will end the pregnancy especially now that Valerie believes it too. If not, it will be like watching a horrible car crash in slow motion.


Blogger ~L said...

These situations are so depressing. You know, I always wonder about the exact same things (why do the especially rotten parents seem so super-fertile, etc). I feel so sorry for this child. Blah.

12:27 PM  
Blogger Jen P said...

Pazel, I read this and I just started bawling. It took us 35 months and 28 cycles to conceive, only to lose our child so soon after. It hasn't even hit me. It hasn't yet been a week but omg I am now feeling it. How can she be so selfish?? How can she just go on with life and do crack and know she is harming her baby and her life? What the hell is up with that?

I 'lost' a dear friend to crack. He's out there somewhere chosing that drug over a clean life. It's a hard road to give up the crack, but if there ever was a reason, it has to be a new life. I hate being an envious, spiteful person, but damn...why do the crack mothers gestate their babies for so long...and those of us who try so effing hard lose them so easily?

Fairness is a myth. A cruel one at that.

I'm sorry to drop all this in the comment to the post. It just astounds me. More than that, it effs me off.

I hope you and Flicker are well. Best wishes.

9:34 PM  
Blogger Sam said...

Oh, God. That is just too F*cked up. It's these times in my life that homicide pops into my head. Deep breath. Another one.

4:51 AM  
Blogger E. said...

AUUGHH!!! Maybe it's wrong, but I too have no tolerance for anyone who treats precious things so pregnant infertiles walk around on eggshells and unfairly blame themselves when miscarriage tragedies strike. It's stories like this that make me feel that life makes no sense at all.

I hope you're progressing along well.

8:56 AM  
Blogger akeeyu said...

Okay, all obvious outrage aside, 'What to Expect When You're Expecting A Crack Baby' made me giggle for a minute there, because it's just SO wrong. Also, because it reminds me of this woman I used to work with (whose baby was fathered by a crackhead) who told us that her doctor told her not to stop smoking right away (when she found out she was pregnant) because 'it would just be so stressful for her'. Riiiiiight.

Oh, and to link to an old post, find the old post, click on the time at the bottom of it, right click and copy the address in the bar (it will be a permalink to that post), then when you write a new post, highlight whatever word or words you want the link to be, click on the little icon that looks like a chain over the world, and paste the permalink address there. Blogger gives you an 'http://' in the bar to start with, and you don't need it if you paste the whole address in, so don't forget to erase the extra 'http://' at the beginning, if necessary.

Okay, enough html stuff.

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this, hon. It is horribly unfair and infuriating, and you have my sympathies.

1:14 AM  
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