Sunday, September 19, 2004

Our New Nightly Ritual

Every night now I listen to the baby's heartbeat with the doppler. It sounds like a train, just like I remember Janie's. It's 162 beats per minute, which according to some sites means it's a girl. There are others that will tell you that the heartbeat speed means nothing as to sex. Personally, I believe it's a girl.

Don't I want a son? Sure, that would be nice. One of each. Perfect, especially since I don't plan on trying to conceive ever again. On the other hand, having a girl has been bliss so I think another girl would be perfect too. I guess that's something you get from infertility, the inability to be disappointed by either sex as long as the baby is healthy. Just a beautiful baby who eats and poops, and sometimes even sleeps.

So every night I take out the doppler, squirt on the ultrasound goop and set out searching for the heartbeat. Sometimes it's more on the left, sometimes in the center. If I don't find it immediately I start to get concerned but my concern level is low and visibly hidden. Usually Matt and Janie are looking on, and I don't want them to know what an uncertain freak I really am. Tonight Matt did the searching which was a nice change. When we find the heartbeat, it starts quiet at first then louder as I zero in. Matt always smiles and I always say the same thing to him, "See, I told you I was pregnant."

Afterwards I use the dopper on Janie. That's the only reason she hangs around. Although she's excited about the baby, she's bored listening to the baby's heartbeat every night. She says she has baby duckies in her tummy so we listen there. If we can hear her dinner digested or other noises inside, she tells me it's the duckies. We then listen to her heart which is extremely loud compared to our Flicker's. I remember when hers was once a little train too.

Today while cleaning house, Matt asked if we should throw out the leftover fertility meds and supplies. No way. We both agreed that would be bad juju. I don't know when I'll be ready to throw it out. That would mean believing and although I do, I have to reserve something just in case.

4 Comments:

Blogger Jen P said...

Congrats on a very thriving Flicker, Pazel!! This little one is doing so well!

1:55 PM  
Blogger Barren Mare said...

Awww. I love the image of you doing that so much. I've got a fuzzy feeling about little train.

Take care of yourself, and Flicker, and I'll be checking in when I get back.

2:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't speak for anyone else, but I'm totally in love with your daughter. BABY DUCKIES IN HER BELLY! That's just too cute, period.

Loving that flicker is doing so well, loving your little ritual. Congrats my friend.
Mandy
(www.infertilityisfunny.blog-city.com)

3:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So happy that things are going so well for you :)
I can't wait till we get our doppler - it must be so reassuring to hear Flicker every day!
And about supplies - my Follistim pen is still in the fridge with half a cartridge inside it. It will stay there possibly forever.
Menita
(lifesjestbook)

10:39 AM  

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