Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Healing

I'm kind of in a blue place after reading Cecily's blog today. She lost one twin and will be losing the other to save her life. (I would link, but I'm a technical idiot. I got there through Chez Miscarriage's blog.) I read her blog often and should have it on my list. It's actually the only blog that's restricted by my work probably due to language at some time or another. It's hard to find pregnant women to relate to. I'm such a case that only those who have suffered loss or infertility (or both) make sense to me. They understand. We are one great big bottle of uncertainty since all we had taken for granted (our fertility) had been a grand lie so we have no trust of the current truth (our pregnancy). Our fears are multiplied... and sadly they do happen.

What amazes me is the ability to heal after these events. Today, reading what Cecily is going through, it feels like I just witnessed someone fall off the highest cliff. I know they are lying in a twisted mess at the bottom, barely able to breathe. Part of me thinks that this is it. There are things you just can't recover from. I thought the same thing when my friend's baby was stillborn. What do you do then? I'm helpless, just a stupid bystander, trying not to say something accidentally hurtful. I can't do anything to relieve this pain although I would if I could, and I can't even go to the bottom of the ocean where they are (and it's even scary to imagine).

Yet, they somehow do survive the fall. They start by just lying there breathing, then crawling, until eventually they can pass among us, their scars hidden. I don't know how they do it. I can't imagine that kind of pain, I have only witnessed it and heard about it but never lived it (knocking on my wood desk). It seems like it would be a betrayal for your heart to keep beating and for the rest of the world to continue like it's a normal day. What must Cecily be going through right now? To have achieved so much with getting pregnant and getting past the first trimester, only to lose her sons now. Too early to save them. What a horrible decision to have to make to put your own life before your child's except I would have done the same. And if she would have died, it would mean they both would have. There was no possible happy ending at this point.

What a horrible dark place she's going to have to go through. I'm so so sorry. I wish there was more I could say or do. Today I only feel sad and wonder how life continues on and why bad things happen to someone who has paid their dues.

.....

And on a side note, today there was the following news story on Julia Roberts...


Pregnant Julia Roberts Reportedly in L.A. Hospital

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Actress Julia Roberts, who is due to deliver twins in January, has been admitted to a Los Angeles hospital after experiencing early contractions, People magazine reported on Tuesday. Roberts' condition was not serious, People said, adding that her doctors plan to keep her under observation in hospital for the near future and have advised that she stay in bed until she gives birth. Roberts, 36, accompanied by husband Danny Moder, was admitted to the undisclosed hospital on Saturday, and hooked up to a fetal monitor, People said. The contractions eventually stopped, and she hosted an impromptu bedside baby shower the next day, the magazine said. Roberts, perhaps the most sought-after actress in Hollywood, has two movies scheduled for release in December: the romantic comedy/drama "Closer" and the crime caper "Ocean's Twelve."
10/27/04

....

At first I was saddened to hear she was in the hospital. Although she has not discussed it, the rumor is that she underwent fertility treatments to get pregnant. She knew at 9 weeks that they were boy/girl twins. Anyway, I was thinking how scared she must have been to be in the hospital this early and to have to remain. But then I came to the part how she threw an impromptu bedside baby shower and I was dumbstruck. Huh? Okay, who goes through that kind of scare and then throws a party? I'm hoping her publicist is just trying to put a spin on it and not that she's really that cavalier. Although I guess cavalier is better than fearful? I just don't get it.

7 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I used to be connected in the 'biz' as they say, just a little bit and I can tell you this, that part about the baby shower is completely made up. I'd bet my house that she's in that room with her husband praying and doesn't want to see anyone.

That last part was most likely for the audience who doesn't 'get' why IF is a big deal -- it's crap like that is what makes it not a big deal in the minds of most people.

Prayers for Cecily and all of us. I go cold when I think about what she must be experiencing right now and feel so helpless. I want to make this hurt and pain stop.

Take care of yourself.

xxxxoooo,
Emily
scrambledeggs

12:37 PM  
Blogger Toni said...

Congrats on the boy!!!

I too am feeling sad and upset by what's going on in blogland. I just can't believe that so many sad things are happening.

What's nice to see is the good news - and your son is great news. Thanks!

1:41 PM  
Blogger The Lioness said...

Lurker delurking to offer tecnical advice (at the same time pretending she knows loads more than she actually does):

Go to Publish and then choose to edit post. On the toolbar you see several icons. For linking, open another window with her blog (control+N for PCs). Copy URL. Higlight the words you want to link to. From left to right on tool box, you can see B/I/Colours/Hyperlink. Click on hyperlink, a small window opens. Paste URL. Click enter. Save post. Done!

1:22 PM  
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