Sunday, November 07, 2004

I'm Back

I feel like I've been gone forever. I just got back from Arizona yesterday. Baby Abby (the one who had heart surgery) is doing fantastic. She's gained a pound, eats like a piggy, and is extremely active and happy. She looks like she did before the surgery (except the scar all the way down her chest) except for all her activity. It's amazing how much a fixed heart can do.

My presentation went well. It was explaining hospital finance to hospital employees who were interested. I explained things like... why does a non-profit hospital want to make a profit (to have money to buy equipment, expand programs to patients, refurbish, etc) and how insurance companies pay (badly, not enough, after playing games). It couldn't help but be peppered by my own opinions. The room was packed, with people standing in the back, and we ran out of food (it was catered by the Learning department not the Finance department). I was asked a lot of questions throughout the presentation and many many at the end. I'm not used to such an interested audience. It was great. Now they want me to do it for the night crew at midnight. I told them that I could only do it before the end of the year, since I'm not allowed to fly after that. Otherwise they will have to convince another analyst to give it at midnight, and I can't imagine any one of them volunteering.

Thank you for the name suggestions. What kind of names do I like? I like simple names, perhaps two syllables for either the name or nickname but that's not mandatory. Some names my husband doesn't like but I do are Henry, Max, Joey, and Jack. Nothing too popular but nothing out of the ordinary either. Other names I like but can't have are Danny, Paul, and Nicholas. Relative names don't work (unless you like Bert or Louis). I've explained to Matt that I'm asking his opinion as a polite jesture. Naming the child should be a joint decision but if he vetos every good name, I will unilaterally decide on one as I am the only parent who signs the birth certificate. Therefore he needs to cooperate. Matt usually laughs and throws up a ridiculous suggestion or two (like Carl or Bart). Sometimes he doesn't laugh as he thinks I'm serious.

Being back in Arizona, I ran into more people who discovered I was pregnant. I've been outed by my own body. They and those who already knew all had to ask me "Is it a boy or a girl?" I hate this question because the result is the same. When I say Boy, they get excited and give me congratulations or clap their hands or tell me how lucky I am. It's the best news in the world to them, and is sometimes way over the top. It really makes me wonder.

What would they have said if it was another girl? Is that so bad? Why is having one of each so important? Or is it that it's a boy, a male heir to the Pazel kingdom? I don't remember my head being in jeopardy if I did not produce a male.

If you have two kids, there are generally three variations. Boy/Boy, Girl/Boy, or Girl/Girl. Each one is having two kids. They are different flavors of pairs, sure, different experiences to be gained. But why is one of each so preferable to having a matching pair? I've seen many siblings of the same sex and they are so cute and very close with each other.

I'm happy that it's a boy just as much as I'd be happy it's a girl. That's why I'm so confused by the total excitement of aquaintances or strangers for having achieved some sort of triumph by this combination. They seem much happier finding out it's a boy than finding out I'm pregnant, and to me that's backward.

So is there a lesson that infertity beats into our brain that the rest of the world hasn't gotten yet? Any child, any child, any child would be wonderful. Thank you.

p.s. Thanks for the shadow box idea, it's a really good one. I'll have to get one I can open up so I can take it out and hold it sometimes. I'm wondering if I'll dress my son in it just once for a sort of comparison shot. I don't think he'll mind the cherries. There's no ruffles and it's not a dress...just some red cherries.


Blogger Kris said...

Heeeeey, wait a minute, my husband's name is Bart. Ok, so I informed him that in no way no how was this going to be a family name passed down, but calling it ridiculous? :)

Glad everything is going well with you, and with your friends daughter.


2:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Glad you're back!

I don't understand the importance of gender either, really...except that maybe it makes the baby seem more real to the person talking to ya. They can say he or she instead of "it." Never mind that "the baby" works just fine.

We're not finding out (at least not unless hubby has a sudden overwhelming desire to know when I have my ultrasound on the 22nd) and I'm ok with that. There is nothing about a girl that will make me more excited than if it is a boy. Like you, I recognize that a baby is *A BABY* and should be reason for rejoicing, no matter what.

Sometimes it would be nice to be able to stray to the little pink things in the store or some more masculine things, but honestly...I'll have PLENTY of time for that after the baby is born. It's not like I have to buy everything now.

I think its great you had an attentive audience (so much more pleasant than watching a group of people who are there because they have to be vs. there because they are interested) YOU DESERVE IT.

Mandy (infertilityisfunny)

3:26 PM  
Blogger elswhere said...

Hi-- coming out of lurkerdom to say: The name Milo seems to be coming into fashion, but not so much that it's out of control. It's kind of a nice name I think. But I don't know if your husband would like it.

Hope all continues well w/the pregnancy. Thanks for writing such a thoughtful blog.

11:32 PM  
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