Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Checking In, Still Sick But Recovering

I've been having problems with Blogger lately so let's see if this will even post.

A few updates... I'm on antibiotics and have cough medicine with codeine which I take at night (although I want it now). Basically, at my OB appointment in December, I had been sick only two weeks so they told me to take only Claritin and Tylenol and try to heal myself. Now I've been sick six weeks (two week-long colds, one 6-week lingering horrible cough), so they've opened the doors to all sorts of pharmaceutical treatments. I'm so worn down and exhausted that I'm willing to try. So my baby won't go to an Ivy League school. It will save me tons on tuition.

They also moved my due date up to 4/6. They said it's because of the size of my baby during the ultrasound (at 15 weeks), but I think it's because they're using LMP instead of considering my IVF transfer date. They told me I was 28 weeks 4 days Monday, so I asked when I would be having the Gestational Diabetes test since that's usually given 24-28 weeks. "You haven't had it yet? That's strange. Usually you would have had it by now." You'd think they'd be on top of it considering my last baby was nearly 9 lbs, but I'm just another pregnant woman to them. Anyways, I took it yesterday. We'll see.

Over the weekend I went on a three day mandatory retreat with my classmates to a beautiful resort in Santa Cruz. I had a 180 degree view of the ocean from my suite with a fireplace and robes laid out. Unfortunately I rarely spent time there as we started early and went late each night. It was a type of business simulation competition among teams which I can only describe as similar to "The Apprentice" complete with all Type-A competitive personalities. Although I can lead, I don't consider myself a typical Type-A. Yet, what I can't stand is for someone to try to control me. It brings out a rebellious side of me that I don't even try to control. Let's just say that one particular German teammate and I went head-to-head. He became very flustered at my unwillingness to roll-over (especially a pregnant woman of all things), he actually told me once to "shut up." Them's fightin' words. And let's just sum it up by saying that I didn't. Actually, it made the whole thing a little more interesting as I didn't lose my temper but stayed clear-headed and kept a smile on my face. Nothing bothers a controlling person than the inability to break someone else. And I, my friends, am unbreakable.

My current dilemma stems with how much of school load to take this semester. There's a class I'm considering which ends March 31st, or in other words in perfect timing with the whole baby deadline. The class is Mergers and Acquisitions which is interesting but not exactly an area I plan to work in. The class is reputed to be very intense and hard work. There's 4 team projects in 10 weeks, and one is usually a lot of work. Tons of reading, cold calls in class, and it looks like there may be Saturday sessions with the GSI (graduate student instructors). While I normally do not back down from a challenge, this may not be the time. And I'm feeling like a wimp for not taking it on, for wanting to drop it based on the amount of work. I want to prove my strength, except I'm not at my best in this last trimester so there's a real fear of failure, especially at school where I try to stay my shark best.

So my plan is to prepare for and attend the first class. If I get a bad feeling, I will drop it. If I can't find time to prepare for it, then I'll definately drop it. Or maybe I'll just get over my ego and drop it anyways. Should I?

Maybe. Most Likely. I just have to get over myself.

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