Thursday, January 06, 2005

Slip Sliding Away

If there's one thing that I will remember about this pregnancy it will be hiking my pants up every few minutes. I get out of the car and hike. I walk a few steps and hike. I stand up and hike. Sometimes I walk with one hand on my pants like they're princess dresses just to keep them from sliding down to my shoes as I shop. Othertimes when I'm home I let them slip half down my hips before I pull them back up. It's crazy and I blame the new style of maternity pants.

At first I thought they were very cool. No big panel all the way up to my breasts. Instead there's either elastic built into the waist band or a small panel of only a few inches. The front is meant to go up to the belly button, or below the belly. I bought several pair.

It was difficult for me to choose the size as well. I started this pregnancy more than 20 lbs less than when I started the last one. Most pregnancy clothes come in sizes of S, M & L, but even when pants are sized like regular clothes it's hard to tell what size I should buy. And to try on maternity clothes would have meant admitting that I was pregnant. I don't know how to explain that.

So when I was less pregnant than I am now, the pants would fall down. I would assume it was because I had either bought them too large or my belly was still too small (yet too big for my regular clothes). I would laugh and wear them with a belt, although that didn't always help.

Now my belly is much bigger (think half a watermelon) and they still fall down. And I have jeans that are too tight, and they also slide down, kind of like a sausage slipping out of the casing. The only ones I don't have to constantly hike up are the one or two full panel old school maternity pants that go all the way up and over the belly.

Sometimes I think that they don't work because I just can't grasp their engineering. Without a waist, how are pants supposed to stay up? If the top is at the widest part rather than a narrow, there's nothing to prevent gravity from pulling those suckers down.

Mainly I think my problem is my flat behind. I can gain all sorts of weight, but it will go to my stomach, breasts, hips and never to my butt. Never. It will just get flatter and flatter. Of course the trend right now is all about emphasizing the backside, so I have nothing to flaunt. In pregnancy, my stomach gets huge, but my butt stays just as flat, unable to hold up those very fashionable maternity jeans. Of course these maternity pants sliding down just make my butt look worse, not just flat but saggy.

One of my little sisters has an opposite problem. Whenever she gains weight, it always goes to her butt. It gets rounder and rounder, but her stomach will stay flat as a pancake. For Halloween, I bought her a costume from Frederick's of H as a payback for babysitting. It was a two piece sailor's costume, kind of like a Dallas cowboy cheerleader top with it tieing on the top between the breasts, but with the square sailor collar and design. I would never wear this because although I have lovely breasts, I would never want my bare stomach to see the light of day. Even when I used to be skinny and worked out daily, I never had a flat stomach.

I have a feeling that if my sister was pregnant and wore these pants with the top below her belly, her butt would hold them up no problem. Luckily she's nice otherwise I would growl at her.

p.s. It's a Chrysler Town & Country. I liked it the best because it has the seats that fold into the floor instead of having to remove them. My brother has the Odyssey which he loves and was my second choice. My friend has the T&C too except that she got a more stripped down model with none of the luxury items to save money. She said that she was not happy about buying a minivan so she didn't want one all foofy like a prom dress. She now regrets it because she loves her minivan and wishes she had all those little goodies. For me, although I like the new minivan, I still think it's so mommy-ish that I'm against the minivan because of its connotations. I'm afraid it will turn me into a soccer mom discarding my fierce tiger businesswoman self. Anyway, I got lots of bells and whistles because I wanted to reward myself for driving it and to feel more like an executive in any way possible. Sad huh? It's just a car. It will go down in value and will get me from A to B. But you can't totally dismiss the emotional associations we make with our vehicles. Is it a totally American phenomenon?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm SO with you on the pants thing. Never in my life have I hiked, shifted or tugged on my pants so much. I, too, thought it would get better when the belly got bigger.

Not so.

I finally broke down and bought some panel pants. Life is good.

8:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's not just you, and it's not just your butt. I also have an awful time with those pants, and my butt is, I am not ashamed to say, fairly round. Never in my LIFE did I think I would not have enough butt to hold up my pants but I too am constantly tugging and hiking those stupid elastic pants. Whether I loosen or tighten the elastic seems to make no difference.

My favorites are the underbelly ones with the wide elastic band. I'm still wearing them at 8 months (and have a fairly large belly) despite what the salesladies said.


9:07 AM  
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