Friday, March 04, 2005

Human Snow Globe

I love you guys. Can I send around a pitcher of something blended, frozen and possibly alcoholic (for those who can)? Thank you so much for caring about me. I'm fine. I'm the same mess, but I'm fine.

Wednesday was a horrible day. I felt weak and tired all day. I was constantly back and forth with deciding to do something or not do something, waiting for my doctor's office to call me back. I felt better that evening but it had been a long day.

On Thursday my doctor's office calls me back about a half hour before my appointment. I was feeling better, but couldn't believe they waited so long.

Matt came with me to my doctor's appointment so he finally got to meet my OB. My shoulder was better (think it was computer and laying-on-my-side related), I had some energy, and not feeling sick anymore. She thought I had a one day flu. I don't think so, but it's hard to argue when I'm better (relatively so). My blood pressure is still low (102/something), so preeclampsia is still out. She referred me to a nephrologist to see about the protein (still high).

I begged her for an ultrasound, but she didn't go for it. She said there was no medical reason for it. You should have heard my arguments, which gave Matt a good chuckle but my OB wouldn't budge. ("But I have large babies!" "Well Pazel, you're having a c-section and I can take any size baby out that opening.") Then we set the date for the c-section. While the rest of her office believes April 6th is my due date (from LMP), my doctor knows it's April 12th because of the IVF. (Damn!) I wanted it at 38 weeks, she's a firm believer in 39 weeks. After more begging and not getting anywhere, she set it for Monday April 5th, promising me that Mondays are great surgery days. Matt was happy (wants to put it off as long as possible) but I am not. I can't see waiting that long.

Later that day, I discovered that Monday is April 4th, not the 5th. I called and left a message because I want that extra day back. (What a ninny I am.) Technically then we've set a date, I'm just not sure if it's the 4th or 5th, but we have one. Meanwhile, my mission will probably be to start labor earlier, like after Easter. I can't see me going that long - physically or emotionally. Actually, every day is hard at this point. I'll probably start googling for ways to start labor in about 2 weeks.

I'm so huge that getting around is very difficult. Physically, I get out of breath easily, I can't get comfortable, and my muscles are weak. I have very little clothes I can wear because most can't cover me. Finally, I am embarrassed about my size, how much I've gained and how big I am. I hate going out, especially seeing anyone I know. I feel like after I've left they're probably talking about how I lost all that weight before and now I've gained it back plus. It's not just my belly, but my thighs are pretty scary and I'm in loathing of my back.

So, I'm going to tell you how much I've gained. Remember, this isn't twins. About 40 lbs, and I've got this one month still to go. Last pregnancy I gained 38 and started out higher, but it was mostly fluid. I lost all but 5 lbs of it by my 6 week postpartum visit. I feel like I'm going to end up at the same weight as before, only starting out lighter, and this time it's not fluid as I don't have much swelling. I feel like I'll be huge forever.

I'm not the beautiful pregnant woman with the still trim everything but basketball belly. You know, the kind they show in the magazines, who later they show trotting her baby around in the expensive stroller while she dons some tight shirt to show off her abs. I'm the shorter, rounder, plumper version with the scrappy overworn clothes, exhausted look on my face, and eyes searching for a place to sit down. Imagine something more akin to the girl who expanded like a blueberry and turned blue in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory except without the blue.

Another month of this? You've got to be kidding me.

Pregnancy is not fun. It is a means to an ends, getting a baby/child. There's a lot of women out there who are able to do this a lot better than me. The waiting is excruciating, not just for all the uncomfortableness (huge understatement but how it's often described), but for all the worry. Yesterday I shook my stomach like a giant snowglobe for several seconds until he finally kicked me back. Poor little guy, his mama's gone nuts.

The good thing about getting a date (however ambiguous) is that I have something to tell the relatives/friends/coworkers who've been bugging me for information. What they ask most often is the name and for the 100th time, we don't have one yet. Yes, I know it's getting close, believe me I know. We just haven't been able to settle on one. Boy names are harder. I'm going to have to see his little face. What does he look like? A Daniel? An Evan? A Jack? I need some good names because I really am not in love with any of them.

Or, if you've ever seen that Seinfeld episode where Kramer was doing the movie phone...I'll look in to his little eyes and say, "Why don't you just tell me what your name is?"


Anonymous Menita said...

"Pregnancy is not fun. It is a means to an ends, getting a baby/child...The waiting is excruciating, not just for all the uncomfortableness...but for all the worry."
Amen, sister.
Glad you have a (sort of) firm date. Tell me what it's like on the other side when you get there, OK?

10:13 PM  
Blogger Janis said...

Gah! I remember those last weeks. Uncomfortable as hell! I felt like a beached whale and even better, I looked like one too! HAHA

I'm one of those who love being pregnant. Till about 35 weeks. Then I am done. Labor is all I can think about.

And then it hits and I think "Why was I in such a hurry for this?" HAHA

Hope you get the dates worked out soon!

Boy names... I love Jack. But dh said no. I love Ian, Dh said no. Ethan? No. Kaden? No.

He said Caleb. I said ewwwwwww. But agreed anyway as it just felt right. Then after the twins came and I looked at Caleb, I just knew. That was his name. It's a perfect name for our little man.

When the time comes, you'll know, but it sure can cause some frustrating conversations. :)

8:05 AM  

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