Thursday, March 24, 2005

There's a monster in my closet

Google is a bad invention.

I'd say that the ultrasound was a bust. The ultrasonographer Helen kept the screen to herself so I couldn't see anything. She promised to let me see the baby at the end so I relented. Besides, I try so hard to be a good patient. Matt had a good view and so did the nurse, but not the person who has been lugging around this child. No.

She spent a long time looking at stuff at the lower hemisphere. She only said one word to the nurse during the whole thing and that was "ABS". I watched Matt's face during the ultrasound and I swear it looked like he was falling asleep. It confused the heck out of me since he was so excited going in. The silence was also deafening. After a while of laying flat on my back, I started to get really uncomfortable. My back started to hurt, I felt completely compressed and started to get feelings of claustraphobia. I wanted to get up and get some fresh air. The only thing that kept me laying there was the promise of seeing my baby at the end.

Then at the end she finally turned the screen to me. She told me that the age of the pregnancy makes it very hard to see anything. The bones make huge shadows so nothing is very reconizable except to her. She showed me the head, but it just looked like a giant circle and not a head. She also showed me the spine which was more recognizable seeing the spinal bones. At one pass I saw the heart beating, but it was while she was zipping over my belly talking about how hard it was to see anything. And it was hard, very foggy, very dense, full of just grey blobbies and I consider myself a pretty good reader of ultrasounds. She agreed that the baby was in breech position, but didn't give me any indication on size. She promised she would fax her report to my OB tonight so I could get news tomorrow, then sent us off.

So tonight I got googling trying to find what ABS means in ultrasound. Maybe it's the baby's position. Maybe it's some measurement. Maybe it's something about the location of the placenta. But all I can find is Amniotic Band Syndrome which looks very scary. I won't go into it but basically it would cause limb or digit amputations or deformities. And it's not genetic so it wouldn't have been in the amnio. And at the time of my ultrasound the baby could look perfect with all his digits and limbs but then the problem start sometime after.

And she was focused on the lower half by his limbs when she said this, and it's all she said. She certainly said nothing to us about any issues, but since she's not a doctor I don't think she can. She wouldn't even give us his weight estimate for goodness sake! She asked when my next appointment was and told me twice she'd be faxing it over today so I wouldn't have to wait the weekend.

I'm not panicking, but my mind isn't restful either. It's not something I can't handle, yet it's something I wouldn't want to.

Heck, let's just face it, I'm a worrier. I'm going to worry when there's nothing to worry about. And I will make up demons when none present themselves. I'm sure this baby is perfect with no such problems. I just wish I knew for sure. Tonight.

So tomorrow I have one goal and that's to call my OB's office and harrass them until I get the results back from today's ultrasound. And when I get it back and everything is fine, I will exhale again and then curse myself for googling.


Anonymous mandy said...

Waiting with you my friend, waiting with you.

8:37 AM  

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