Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Day 3 - His Due Date

Yesterday 4/12 was his due date and he turned 1 week and 1 day.

All in all it was a much better day. I got Janie ready for preschool in the morning while Matt got up early and went to the hospital. Matt's job is to leave early from the hospital to pick up Janie from school, give her dinner and a bath and get her to bed. He normally picks her up every day and does all the evening activities while I'm at school. The only difference is that I'm not at school, I'm staying late at the hospital with baby Jack. We can't cover the whole clock this way, but nearly so. Matt and I also get to be there together during the day and have a quick lunch together. He was so positive and sunny when I came in yesterday, it was very contagious. He's a morning person (usually waking at 4:30), so loves having our morning shift.

Janie is doing well but she misses her baby. She asked me when I was going to have another baby in my tummy; I guess because this one didn't work out so well for her. Months of waiting to have only two days of being home. Kind of a tease for a 4 year old.

When I got to the NICU Matt told me that Jack had opened his eyes and had an awake period. He also got the tube taken out of his rectum so he was able to hold him, the first time for either of us since we brought him in on Sunday. They brought over a rocking chair and then I was able to hold him too. For as long as I wanted. If you can hold a baby too much, that will soon become Jack's problem. But of course I don't think you can.

In the afternoon they did the biopsy. It only took about 15 minutes, but that's still a long time to wait in the hall away from him. I also don't recommend a pasta lunch right before a biopsy on your kid. Like whenever they do something to him, it made me really sick to my stomach, but the pasta made it worse. I guess the biopsy went well since they said they got plenty of cells and he didn't have much bleeding from it. He slept the rest of the day from the morphine.

So now we wait. 3 long days to get results.

Matt and I hold out hope that he just had a sticky meconium plug and that all this is just to rule these other things out. That hopefully we will get back conclusive negative results so that we can get him home sometime soon. Our pediatrician (who has come to the hospital every day) says not to get too hung up on this HD diagnosis. Be glad not to if you say that.

Late last night Jack started to get upset. The morphine wore off and with his tummy and intestines now being totally empty he's very hungry. He's getting all his nutrition through his veins but doesn't know this, he just wants to eat. The nurse begged me to stay as long as possible to rock him because it calms him. I don't need any begging, although it did have me stay even a little longer, until while rocking him I kept nodding off and getting that head jerk. It's like when you're driving super late and want to get to your destination to rest so you try rolling down the window or singing really loud or rocking your body to stay awake but there's only so much you can do before you have to pull over and take a nap on the side of the road. I couldn't do many of these things while rocking him, and seeing him sleep peacefully calmed me and made me sleepy too. I couldn't last as long as long as I wanted and the nurse was sad to see me go. Jack was making his transition from the quietest, easiest baby to the biggest complainer on the block. When I was leaving she was working on getting him a little swing and radio to distract him from his hunger. And every step out of the NICU killed me, but I could barely hold my head up.

I slept a long time last night. My sister flew in from San Diego and she's taking Janie to school right now. I appreciate her help, but at the same time we wanted to keep things as normal as possible. Matt is not happy about her being here for just that reason. But, if she wasn't here right now I would not have time to type this and for the shower I'm about to take. I feel good knowing that Janie's life is appearing somewhat normal, and that Jack is having either Matt or I with him. It's our little system.

So speaking of which, I'll take this opportunity to shower now. I woke up drenched in milk because I had slept through one of the pumping sessions. I'd rather be more rested anyway so that I can stay later tonight. He sure is beautful. I know I say that a lot. It is really nice to rock him and hold him and just look at his sweet face.


Anonymous Heels said...

I am holding my 6 week old son as I read this with tears streaming down my face.

I hope Jack heals quickly and is home with his family asap. My heart breaks for y'all.

9:42 AM  
Blogger The Lioness said...

Being able to finally hold him must be such a relief, finally! I don't know anything abt babies really but I for one am glad your sister's here. Janie knows something is wrong, your routine has already been changed, anything that gives any of you a respite, brief as it may be, seems like a good thing. Whatever works for you as a family pazel, whatever works. Still praying for good news for little Jack.

9:43 AM  
Anonymous amanda said...

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for those test results and am keeping your family in my thoughts.

10:30 AM  
Blogger KelliAmanda said...

Found your page through Julie's post the other day...keeping my fingers crossed for your little man and your family.

10:46 AM  
Anonymous deborah said...

The tone of your post today has me breathing a bit more normally again. But I know you still have a long road ahead of you, so I will continue to offer whatever support and good wishes I can.

10:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hang in there Pazel. A picture would be nice some week or month when you have time. First thing I did this morning was check on you - but we're in very different time zones so you were probably still snoozing.

11:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

woops. That last was from Heather Ann

11:05 AM  
Anonymous Menita said...

Keeping everything crossed for the biopsy results. I am so glad you got to hold him - he sounds so beautiful. Courage to all of you, and hopes for the best news possible.

11:26 AM  
Blogger Floyd said...

So happy you got to hold him. Everything I have is crossed and I'm praying for you all.

11:41 AM  
Anonymous Louise said...

How good it must feel to hold him. I'm glad your sister is there, though I understand how having her there to keep things feeling as normal as possible for Janie makes other things feel even more topsy-turvey. But being able to rest will be good. I hope your day gives you lots of it, and that there are hours of Jack-holding this evening.

Take care.

12:16 PM  
Blogger Erin said...

I'm relieved to hear Jack is feeling well enough to complain about his circumstances, and that you both got to hold him.
Just wanted to offer a note of support.

1:01 PM  
Anonymous Soper said...

Still here, still rooting for y'all!

1:09 PM  
Blogger cat said...

Really great to hear you got to hold him. Sending you guys out good wishes for these days to pass quickly and the results to be clear.

1:13 PM  
Blogger Jen P said...

So glad you got to hold Jack, Pazel. I'm sure it did wonders for the both of you.

Holding out hope it's the simplest and easiest explanation for Mr. Jack and that he's healing super quick.

Best wishes.

3:46 PM  
Anonymous Amy said...

So glad to hear yesterday was a (relatively) good day.

Still thinking of you and keeping little Jack in my prayers.

4:48 PM  
Anonymous Julianna said...

I just wanted to say that I am so sorry that you and your family are having to go through all of this and I pray that you get good news soon.

9:48 PM  
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