Monday, April 04, 2005

Is it the 4th already?

It stormed tonight. Thunder, lightning, and a sudden down pour. It seemed fitting. Let the skies open up and welcome this baby. I've always loved a good storm.

He keeps kicking me and moving around. He's even had the hiccups twice tonight. I think he's telling me to stop worrying so much. He's alive and he's real and tomorrow is his birthday. Can you believe it? Because I am having a hard time.

Obviously I can't sleep. Must I say that there's just too much on my mind? I've having a baby tomorrow. My second and my last. Yep, my tubes will be tied and no more babies for me. Tonight is my last night of sleeping pregnant, and it's a little sad. I'm tired of being huge, but I'll miss his movements. Sure, sometimes he plants his feet on one side of my pelvis and tries to push his head out the top of my belly, but I understand he's doing it just because he's cramped and trying to stretch out his little home. I could imagine myself doing the same.

I wish I felt better in terms of my cough and congestion. At this point, it's been like this for 4 months, so delaying this birth won't change anything. The pulmonologist and my GP think birth will make me feel better. Better is better.

Matt returned home with no TV, pretty much as I had suspected. He was frustrated and promised he would get one while I'm in the hospital, should I let him escape for a few hours. It was like I said, he set his expectations so high that nothing was good enough. It wasn't this or it wasn't that. He says that he is having a big final tomorrow and is not prepared. I think running around looking at TVs was a good distraction from all this. I sent him to bed early because I want him to be well rested to take good care of me. Also, he gets grumpy if he doesn't sleep. It's worse if he doesn't eat. He's a simple guy really. Really easy to read and figure out.

A boy. Can I say that I still don't believe it? I'm going to have to see his goodies to believe it. Actually, first I'll have to hear him cry, then count his fingers, then check out his goods. And then hopefully I can gaze into his eyes and a name will come. Jack Henry or Henry Michael or .... Henry is a sweet name, I think it would be so cute for a little boy. Henry would be a good name if he was soulful, but Jack would be a good name if he was more outgoing. I'm going to have to see him, to look in his eyes and see what his name is.

Thank you all for your words of luck and hope. It means a lot to me. I'm afraid that now that I'm about to have one of the most exciting times of my life I won't be able to immediately share it with you. Tune in later this week and I'll tell you the real story.

Speaking of luck, today I got about 9 phone calls from family. How are you feeling? Are you excited? Do you have a name yet? Everyone was suprised when I went out shopping. How can you go out? Ummm, I'm the same as yesterday. I'm not in labor. And it takes my mind off of things. (I bought presents for Jamie, thank you for the suggestions.) It's a strange position to be in, to know that tomorrow is the day for sure. It's not a due date which is always just a shot in the dark and I don't need any signs. It just is. So very modern.

So I will wish you all a good night. Think of me at 12:15 pacific time. I'm sure I'll be crying but it will be in the best way possible. When Janie was born, Matt even shed a tear or two. I'm looking forward to that again too.


Blogger Jen P said...

Good luck Pazel. Many warm wishes and brilliant thoughts for you tomorrow. And welcome wee baby! We've been looking forward to meeting you for ages now.

2:17 AM  
Blogger The Lioness said...

Yes, good luck. I have no clue what that time translates into for us but I've been thinking of you on and off throughout the day, I0m bound to get it right at some point. looking forward to hearing abt Jack/Henry.

12:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good Luck! I can't wait to read all about it.

12:50 PM  
Anonymous Menita said...

Good luck, good luck, good luck!!!
I can't wait for the update!!!

2:10 PM  
Blogger DeadBug said...

Best of luck to you, Pazel!


9:40 PM  
Anonymous Mandy said...

Thinking of you right now, girlie! Hope all goes smoothly - can't wait to hear about it!!

Love ya!

10:21 AM  
Blogger Wavery said...

Thinking of you, I can't wait for your wonderful news.

5:21 PM  

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