Sunday, June 26, 2005

In Anticipation of Flight

Sssshhh, he's sleeping. A free moment. Let me post quickly before it's gone.

Jack is doing well. He's not crying so much, and smiling more. His smiles always look to me conspiratorial, if that's a word, as if it's our private joke. Kind of laughing at our situation, or maybe he's laughing at his ability to get me to lift my top by just insinuating a cry.

In just two days, the two of us will be flying to Arizona. My friend will have her mother over, and between the two of them will watch her kids and Jack. Janie will stay home with Matt and she's not too happy about. I tried telling her that it will be over 115 degrees out there, but what does that mean to a 4 year old? I just can't figure having a baby and a child to wrestle on the plane, nor can I in good conscience leave my friend with both my children to watch for me. That's no way to treat a friend.

I don't know yet how this trip is going to go. I have no idea what to bring with me on my flight. I think I'd like to carry him in the sling, but then I'll probably need the stroller just to sherpa my laptop and diaper bag. I'm also bringing the travel swing, breast pump, and of course car seat. For my two day trip I'll be toting some huge bags. Oh Skycap, got a minute?

The thing about going to Arizona is that this will be my first day back in the office in six months. Everyone will want to visit, as well as try to find the right words to say about the whole Hirschsprung thing. I'm going to have to just put on my -oh-everything-is-great face to avoid getting any so-sorries. At this point in time, someone saying they're sorry seems strange. At first it felt considerate, then sad, but now he's so cute that the word sorry just doesn't describe it. I tell him I'm sorry every time I have to give him medicine or change his bag because he hates it and I wish he didn't have to go through it, but that is saying sorry to him. Right now, I don't feel like anyone should feel sorry for me. I'm fine. I really am.

Truth is, things are good. Most of the time. Almost all of the time. He is like any other regular baby. He sleeps, he eats, he cries. Except, I have to keep my eye on the clock to give him his heart meds (7am, 11am, 3pm, 11pm, then repeat). And I tend to time his baths around bag changes. And when I'm at Janie's gymnastics and other mothers want to see him, I hope they don't try to touch him too much so accidentally feel the bag or notice the small bulge on his left side. I just don't want to explain it. And I guess I'm afraid of the recoil. It's not pretty. Afterall, it is poop.

Janie is right now deconstructing her room. Matt and Jack are asleep in the living room (Matt worked today), and I'm slowly trying to go from room to room cleaning. With Janie running around, cleaning feels sort of like shoveling snow in a blizzard. But I must try. Mike's aunt is coming over tomorrow to watch Jack while I work. It's exactly what I need. I get to be close to Jack, and get my work done. Plus she's free. It may only be now and then, but I'll take it.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good luck! You are Brave Woman. I flew with my several month old, and found that he spent most of the time sacked out in the sling on the plane. Also, ask if you can give him Benadryl- good for de-swelling their little ears so they pop less, but you would need a dosage from your pediatrician. Helps the effort to breastfeed when taking off and landing. At that age really all we needed on the plane was a sling, boobs, and a diaper bag. Many planes have a shelf in the toilet is changing is necessary.

I think you are also brave for deciding to ask your friend to help with him. People love to help, and it's a very sad, lonely pride that tells us we are too good, or they are too busy, to ask for help. I'm sure she is very happy to have a concrete way to support you. Further, I think if you didn't ask her because you were worried about her high-needs child that would make her feel like less of a friend. Mad props for reaching out for help, and helping her feel like someone with something to give!


8:58 PM  

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