Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Not Mute Enough

Working from home full time while going to summer school while caring for a newborn... I wonder why I feel close to the cliff sometimes.

Let me start by saying that I'm okay. Put down the phone. I'm not about to do anything dangerous. It's more along the lines of dreaming of driving fast out of town - except I'm not driving that minivan parked out front, but some little two seater. And I'm alone. Blessedly alone.

Is it terrible to have this fantasy? I look at my beautiful children. Janie who right now is picking up her toys while making obvious complaints because she always has to pick up all the toys. And Jack who is sitting in his bouncy seat, deciding whether to smile or cry, bright green frog on his shirt, and hiccuping. He keeps looking up at me to make sure I don't try to sneak away. Don't worry kiddo, mama isn't really going anywhere.

I think I'm just frustrated because as usual I'm trying to do everything and as usual I am not doing such a good job of it. Today I had a big meeting. I got Jack to sleep and was invovled as much as possible as someone can be over the phone instead of in person. I have to be very quiet to hear every word as the speaker phone on that end always sounds like its shoved to the farthest end of the conference room. Most of the meeting doesn't involve me, but it can so I have to pay attention. Then I hear music. The Eagles are playing over the baby walkie-talkie. Oh crap! I left the alarm clock set to tell me when to give him his meds. Now he's awake and crying because his nap was shortened.

I put my headset on mute then run in to get Jack. Maybe a little breastfeeding and he'll nod off again, but first with the meds. Put Jack in the swing then draw up the digoxin. Giving him it only makes him more upset. So we sit in the rocking chair and I start breastfeeding him. I can listen in very well to the meeting like this. But then... Then... Oh, it's too horrible to mention but that is the purpose of this post isn't it? They ask me to check something on my computer. I turn off mute to tell them okay. Mute back on. Hold baby to breast and try to walk to my computer. Nope, he slips off the nipple. Milk squirting everywhere. Baby crying. People in the meeting asking me questions. Pazel? Are you there Pazel? Pazel!

Mute off. I'm here. I'm working on it. As the baby screams right into my headset. They all bust out laughing. "You're very busy. We'll let you go." Nooo, wait, I can get it, hold on.... click. Damn.

The road to hell is paved with the best intentions. And right now I feel I'm driving down it at a quick pace.

I did this before. I worked from home with Janie. Sure, she was a good baby, a quiet baby, a healthy baby. Jack... well... he's Jack. He's not Janie. He's got his own ways and currently that is using his loud voice to get his way. I suspect he's got a plan and this was only one little step in it.

Can you hear the crying? Seems the sound of me writing a post hurts his tiny ears. Must run.

3 Comments:

Blogger Erin said...

And here I am just worried about how I'm going to get to the grocery store once numer 2 is born.
Wow.
Your children are beautiful.

8:43 AM  
Blogger Mony said...

The pictures!
Oh the pictures!
Pazel..what muffins! Thanks for sharing & hope a little peace & quiet found you.

5:07 AM  
Blogger Floyd said...

Holy smokes. And I yell at the dogs if they happen to bark while I'm on the phone....sheesh...never again.

I am impressed by your juggling abilities.

2:05 PM  

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