Monday, July 18, 2005

Adventures without baby

The thing about travelling without my baby is that I look at every baby at the airport and miss him more. And I get jealous that these travellers have their babies and are probably travelling somewhere fun for pleasure than to the hottest place on earth for work. Of course when I took Jack with me on my last trip I was jealous of every solo traveller who got to read or sleep on the plane, and move so unencumbered and light. Truth is, it was nice to fly alone but once I got there I felt too far away from him. Without checking him with my bags, I can't see how I'll ever get to have both.

I spent two days and one night in a very sunny Arizona. Work was work. The night without the kids went by very quickly because I mostly slept through it (YAY!). Matt told me everyday how Jack was sleeping long naps, eating big meals, and generally being a very happy baby. Maybe it was the fortified breast milk or maybe it was the break from the frazzled mother, but part of me wishes he had the more usual irregular Jack.

The first morning I was gone, Matt called me to tell me that Jack rolled over. Several times. My little one chose the moment I left the house to do one of his firsts. Isn't it just like that?

When I got home, I walked up to him as he lay in the bed, awake and knawing on his hand. I smiled at him and he burst out into a huge cry. Oh baby. Did you just realize I'd been gone, or are you that upset that I'm back? His next two feedings were very difficult as he fought off the breast, cried, then would suck like mad on his pacifier before spitting it out in disgust. My little boy loves the bottle. Sadly for him, I'm not ready for him to give up breast feeding and I'm not about to add pumping to the already full schedule, so I didn't relent until he was feeding normally again.

All in all, I can't believe that's it's Monday again. I feel like grabbing the sun and forcing it to stay still in the sky, or perhaps to shove it backwards to the east to give me another day off. Time is relentless and has no pity for me. Where were all those slow days when I was pregnant and counting down the minutes?


Anonymous Menita said...

I hear you.
My first work-related trip is looming in a few weeks and I will be travelling for a few days every month after that.
I know everything will be all right, but I know I will be in pieces as well.

12:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


IN response to your fears about how others perceive the bag, I can tell you my experience. When I was in college I was a camp counselor at a camp for children with special needs. One of the children had a colostomy. He was about 6 when he first came. I know his mom was really worried about all this.

He was one of my campers. The day she taught us about it I admit to being surprised by the odor. But after that, it didn't matter. I hated it because he had the flange system you're describing and we just never quite got it right, so we had a lot of messes, but otherwise he was just so and so and remembering to release the air was the same as remembering to toilet another little boy on schedule.

I remmeber that child well, but it's not the colostomy bag i remember. I remember his sweetness and cuddliness and cuteness and his strange love of the swinging door of the cabin. I remember that he loved green beans.

In my experience in this situation I can honestly say I felt no different about the colostomy than about the contents of another child's diapers.

I hope this helps a little.

6:56 PM  

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