Monday, July 25, 2005

Ever see the movie Groundhog's Day?

At 3:51am Jack rolls towards me to breastfeed. I reach for him and touch squishy. Bag leak. Yuk. In the bed. Yuk. And we had just changed his bag a few hours ago. So now I had to lay there and let him nurse while trying to hold the bedding up with my elbow and keep my poopy fingers towards the sky. Meanwhile my eyes remained closed and my mind drifts in and out of thought. Can a person sleep with poopy fingers in the air while simultaneously pointing top shoulder down so as to direct breast into baby bird's mouth? For a few minutes, yes.

Eventually I get up. I must wash hands first, and don't touch anything. Then pee. Then wash again. I start gathering supplies for the bag change. There wasn't a new one cut (has to be custom cut to fit his ever changing stoma), I sit on the corner of the bed with my template, needle point nail scissors, and pencil. In the soft glow of the bathroom light, trying in vain not to wake the baby, I draw the design from the template onto the back of the pouch. Then I poke in the scissors to start cutting a hole, but I accidentally poke all the way through and puncture the pouch. Start over.

Get a new bag. Draw the design. Carefully poke in scissors. Work on cutting out the hole. I wonder if my kids will be ostracized in school because their mother is an atheist. They won't really be atheists since they wouldn't have made any educated choice yet. Not at that age. So what would they really be? Religion ignorant? Kids don't know what that is. But how would the kids know I was an atheist since I'm still mostly in the closet about it? Hold it over him to see if it fits. Needs to be a little bit bigger here on this end. Use scissors to cut hole larger. Crap. I cut that part straight through the pouch. Damn. Start over.

Get a new bag. Draw design. Carefully poke in scissors. I'm not going to... Damn! I poked a hole in the bag again. This never happens to me. To Matt, yes, but not to me. If this continues, I'm never going to sleep And I'm going to run out of bags. Start over.

Get a new bag. Draw design. Carefully, carefully poke in scissors. Work on cutting out the hole with some extra size. I wish elementary schools went all year round so I could take the kids for long winter and spring vacations. Summer is great, but why have three months in the summer when you can have one in the summer, one in winter and one in spring? It would be so much better for the kids and the parents. Who would oppose it? Teachers? I'd think they'd want the breaks stretched out too. Seems like the school year can get awfully long. The teachers and kids both must get burned out in the spring. Check it, perfect. Thank goodness. Remove old bag. Clean baby. Put on skin protectant. Use stoma adhesive (caulking), "just like icing a cake", only it's 4:15 and I'm icing a stoma on a wide awake, smiling and kicking baby. Someday I'm going to ask the ostomy nurse how many moving cakes she's iced at the crack of dawn. Put on new bag. Attach closure. Done! Change his diaper, clean up area on bed, wash hands, then back to bed for more feeding. Please Jack, go to sleep, Mama's reeeal tired.

About 90 minutes later, Matt wakes up and sees all the discarded bags. What happened?
4am bag change. Oh man. Mmm,hmmm. Roll over, peek out eyes to aim nipple into waiting mouth of newborn rooting puppy, and feed again. Try to sleep in side position as I wait for him to finish. I wonder if he will get a bald spot or worse yet a flat spot on the side of his head because I'm always on his right. tomorrow night I'm going to have to remember to sleep on his left. Switch sides now and then. Suddenly the alarm goes off. Is it morning already??? Okay. Might as well get this day started. But first let me feed the baby.

32 Comments:

Blogger Ninotchka said...

I'm exhausted just reading this. Hats off to you!

5:39 PM  
Anonymous beth Platt said...

Yeah, actually, as a teacher, I would like less time during the summer and more time during the school year. I would like a longer winter break, preferably during a bad flu season. A week's break when the entire school is passing around germs would do wonders for incubation.

So you hit the nail on the head there.

6:45 PM  
Anonymous Lala said...

I'm feeling tired for you. Poor thing.

6:47 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

Ugh - what a night. And I bet it's only one of many. :(

But you manage to write about it with wit, clarity, and humor. You're one hell of a woman!

Hope you get a rest-ish (rest-ful is too much to ask, I know), poop-free night.

6:59 PM  
Anonymous Heels said...

Oh, what a long night!

I do the rooting puppy night nursing, too, and I actually move from one side of the bed to the other while sleeping bebe gets the middle so that both breasts get emptied in the night--otherwise, we're in milk spray city by the morning.

I've rolled in poop, too. Just not for the same reason.

Take care and get some good sleep when you can.

10:01 AM  
Blogger webhill said...

On the off chance this might make you feel a little better - I have the same sort of thing happen to me and none of my kids have an ostomy! Seriously, I remember my son (he's 4.5 yrs now) exploding poop out of his diaper all over my bed at 2 am when he was a few weeks old. I had to change the sheets at 2 am with one arm (holding him in the other) and it was no fun. Also I have put diapers on backwards in the dark, I have ripped the tabs clean off of several diapers in a row, I have diapered a poopy baby only to have more poop leak out ten minutes later... the baby I have now is six months old. Just last night I had to actually BATHE her at 3 am. So it's not related to just having an ostomy. Interestingly my middle child was always perfectly clean and dry at night. Go figure.

1:16 PM  
Anonymous CJ said...

I'm impressed that you could be so calm about that. Must be the breastfeeding hormones (I'm kidding -- you should take complete credit for your work).

Our family is an atheist one and we aren't in the closet about it. If you don't say anything, the kids raised with very religious parents will say stuff that your kids will assume to be true and then they'll knock the wind out of you when they comment about God something. Start now. We used Greek myths and Babylonian mythology early (get them skeptical about any other gods they hear about since they already heard about flying horses, Zeus, etc). I also talked a lot about 'nature'. Little 'n'. Lots about how nature is all around us, nature has rules that humans understand to better our lives (or at least try to even if we end up with global warming).

Wow, I didn't mean to go on so long. I hope you get some sleep, some clean bedding and a break where the bag stays on when you need it to!

9:51 AM  
Anonymous Patricia said...

I too am impressed at your ability to take it all in stride. I think I would have been ripping the bags to shreds. With my teeth.

For whatever it's worth, it seems like you're doing a great job dealing with all of this.

3:18 PM  
Blogger R said...

Hi Pazel,
I have woken up SO many times to poo oozing from a leaking bag... have you ever tried the adult size? I have been using Convatec adult size with Durahesive wafer and they have been staying on 4 DAYS!!!!!!! Just thought I would pass that along.

I got a baby gift the other day from www.janieandjack.com it reminded me of you!!!!!!

Hang in there. I know how it goes. Lucy has poop stains on many of her clothes in the "poop bag" area. :)

Rachel
rosepuddle.blogspot.com

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