Tuesday, January 17, 2006

5 Things

I apologize for the spotty posts. Unforgivable really.

In return I offer to you these pictures of me and mine as a token of my affection...
http://www.flickr.com/photos/pazel/

First I'll finish the hospital story.
I threw a fit and we got moved to a wonderful room, with no roommate for two nights. Then he shared a room with a 14 year old who had fallen from her friend's bicycle handlebars and had several broken bones. Her family prayed a lot for her, but wouldn't stay with her in the hospital. She cried the first two nights. She also kept the tv on constantly and I've never seen so many teen shows in my life. (That's So Raven, Suite Life of Somebody and Somebody, and so on.)

Second I'll tell you how great he's doing.
He is doing great. We had to start out by taking him in twice a week to watch for dehydration. Blood draws- poor little guy. We had to write down all feedings and weigh all diapers. The feedings part was impossible to document because he was up most nights all night feeding just because he was so happy to be home in my bed with his best friend boobie so close again. Although the skin on his butt is so delicate, we've been keeping it constantly creamy with his prescription creams, sprays and powders (many layers) that it's stayed pretty normal underneath it all. Also, his appetite is much better, and he's turned into a pleasant baby instead of a cranky, fussy guy. He's still very clingy, but I guess that's to be expected. He only has 25% of his colon (large intestine) - he's watching out for bandits in scrubs to drug him and take the rest.

Third is how we're all normalizing.
Janie still calls diaper changes "bag changes." And all her baby dolls have pretend stomas (colostomy sites). She finds it fascinating that he poops like everyone else. I love dressing him in pants and shirts instead of onesies. Real boy clothes. Family is more comfortable watching him for us - although his diaper changes have more steps, it's a big change from having to explain how to empty a bag or change one. Matt and I are constantly looking over this past year and being surprised at how far we've come. Hirschsprung's, colostomy, pull-through, digoxin, who knew all that 2005 had in store for us? And now we're going to be pretty normal. Boring normal. I think it's refreshing.

Fourth, for my New Year's resolution I chose to treat him like a normal baby and have him sleep in his crib. And I let him cry. Not everyone agrees with this method, but within two days he became the best sleeper. Now he sleeps from 8pm to 6am without waking, and all in his crib. This from the kid who fed all night in my bed and would get upset if I dared tried to roll away from him. And it was very tough to do, but I had to do it. I needed the sleep and I also needed to start treating him like a regular baby. And it was the best thing I've done in a long time.

Fifth, I'm not sure what I'm going to do with this site. I'd love to write more often, yet it is impossible. My days are spent holding him, taking care of Janie, trying to get caught up on laundry, working (oh yea that), putting toys away, and working on school. I graduate this May if I'm a good girl. I'm job hunting which is very important to figure out what I want to do (which I could discus ad naseum) and where we want to live (California is so incredibly expensive, we'd like to move to a better way of life).

I don't want to give this site up. It's been my lifeline and my get away. It's my support and my private space. Yet, I feel incredible guilt for stopping and starting and being absent too much. If only I could find a way to get my thoughts posted as I get my few moments to think alone - while driving, showering, or trying to fall asleep. Most of the other time I'm so focused on the act at hand - or trying to figure out how to get away for a nap - that I don't get that deep.

So I want to apologize in advance for my flighty-ness and departures and absences. I'm thinking about this site, mentally wringing my hands that I'm not here, but it's spot in my list of things to do is a dusty spot rarely seen by my pencil - except as I constantly write in more new things above it (like the bathroom renovation to start next week).

If you have read this far, you are far more loyal than I have been and it is to you that this is addressed. I'll be back. I promise. I wish I could be here more often. I'm just crazy busy. I'm sorry. And I'll 'see' you soon. Thank you for being here.

Pazel