Thursday, August 05, 2004


That's almost exactly double Monday's 125, with a tiny extra for protection. The numbers also make me pretty confidant that it's a singleton. I will be happy either way, but my husband is very grateful.

I just finished a presentation here at work to almost 50 directors and managers on the budget. Very exciting. I think the free lunch drew in more than they cared to admit. I'm just glad it's over. I don't mind presenting, but I get very self conscious afterwards. I can see all my mistakes, remember the right way I should have said something, but it's too late to change it. There's another 50 people out there who now recognize me as a fool from finance. Good thing I don't live here so they can't laugh at me at the supermarket.

I arrived at my best friend Valerie's house last night after my long flight. She had decorated her guest room with a garland of baby diapers, fresh flowers, a congratulations expecting card, What to Expect on the nightstand, and baby gifts. I just started bawling. I can't believe it's for me. Is it really my turn? I don't feel pregnant. I don't look pregnant, but I just might be. Afterall, I never get any lines on pee sticks and I never get positive blood tests. It just seems surreal.

Sorry for jumping around, but I'm still getting my footing after the presentation.

The presenation was in the Perinatal classroom. It is of course right by OB triage, the nursery, L&D, and pregnant women as far as the eye can see. I see them with their bellies, and I'm still jealous. I wonder if that goes away, and when. Do they have any idea how hard it is to get into this club? Right now I feel like a probationary member. I'm only pregnant because they tell me I am. I certainly wouldn't use that p word to describe myself.

So last night Valerie and I went to dinner to celebrate. She told the waitress I was pregnant. She was full of congratulations, and I really didn't know what to say. We had a great dinner, and Valerie was celebrating that she got to drink the wine and I had to drive us home.

Matt is finally coming to a realization that I really am pregnant. When I showed him the faint line on Saturday, he didn't believe it. When I got the positive blood test, he was still in denial. I told him I was going to take him on Maury for denying our baby, but of course I've been in shock as well. Today he left me a message that he's been smiling all day thinking about my belly getting big. That seems very strange. None of it fits yet. I'm so used to living in a bad reality, that I don't know what to do with this good one. I keep waiting for it to slap me in the face and tell me this was all a bad joke. I just don't get it.


Blogger amanda said...

Yeah!!! Fabulous news.

2:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh this is so wonderful. You are on probation...that is funny in an I-am-infertile-so-I-can-say-that way....I can only imagine what you mean as I have not gotten the two lines ye but, I think I would feel the same way myself. I wonder when it will start feeling real?

Pregnancy really is such a difficult club to get into...I am so glad you are a new member...Keep the updates coming..

alexhere from the kitchens of the infertile gourmet

4:44 PM  
Blogger TK said...

hooray for such a good number!

5:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, it's YOUR turn. Congrats...sending oodles of the glowing baby thoughts your way.


7:00 PM  
Blogger JenP said...

Grow little embie grow!! Can't wait to see that number in the 5 digit range!!! Congrats again Pazel.

7:14 PM  
Blogger Dee said...

Oh happy happy news! So glad for you and your numbers are great. I recently got my very first BFP and am now awaiting the results of my doubling beta today. I know what you mean though about it feeling surreal. Whoever decided it's my turn, I don't know, but I'm so grateful and yet I still can't believe it. It doesn't feel real...and I'm glad to know that I'm not alone in thinking that way. Thank you for sharing.

7:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Congrads! I have to confess that I'm envious of the freedom you have to tell everyone so early. You are so lucky!

9:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Always in a rush and I don't know why. The last site I was on was about baby boy nursery idea which was okay to read. Your's was better.

1:01 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home